Between two people, there's a world.
Duh, that's basic.
I got back to relaxing again at home and started thinking about what didn't come to fruition between me and some people.
The real core of my thoughts should've been "why do I care?", but I still got lost in my head nonetheless.
Somethings exploded, imploded, grew too hot to handle, too cold to bother with, and some just never got the chance to be.
In the past, I used to trip off of the amount of people I tried to bring along for the ride, yet now I feel like I'm going to revert back to the old ways.
I used to be all about social circles, wide ones, ranging from different sectors wherever I went.
However, things changed.
I enjoy the solitude as much as the party, but one side is starting to outweigh the other and I've taken notice.
Time and time again, it's a flip.
Well, carpe noctem, I'm outta here.
Later Days
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
My Body
Something everyday I tell ya what...
I thought that maybe we were doing something wrong...
Maybe we were wrong.
It felt like we were flowers meant to blossom, but it never happened...
And the Sun had become disgusted by our truancy to follow nature.
Then I picked my head up last night to her soft cries.
We did blossom and nothing was wrong at all.
My body was already a vessel holding a legion of echoes calling out past mistakes;
now more than over, I felt the sting from all those foreign lips.
I hated myself more than I've ever.
Her eyes bled heat, becoming less puffy as I finally regained my composure.
"This was suppose to happen"...now I know.
It isn't me rationalizing an unusually situation,
I feel you only rationalize if you are the wrong-doer.
We got this, as usual.
And for my body? Well, it still wont quit,
not on you, not on me, not on us, and certainly,
not on life.
Later Days
I thought that maybe we were doing something wrong...
Maybe we were wrong.
It felt like we were flowers meant to blossom, but it never happened...
And the Sun had become disgusted by our truancy to follow nature.
Then I picked my head up last night to her soft cries.
We did blossom and nothing was wrong at all.
My body was already a vessel holding a legion of echoes calling out past mistakes;
now more than over, I felt the sting from all those foreign lips.
I hated myself more than I've ever.
Her eyes bled heat, becoming less puffy as I finally regained my composure.
"This was suppose to happen"...now I know.
It isn't me rationalizing an unusually situation,
I feel you only rationalize if you are the wrong-doer.
We got this, as usual.
And for my body? Well, it still wont quit,
not on you, not on me, not on us, and certainly,
not on life.
Later Days
Monday, February 13, 2012
Not My World (Yips)
Hey, I've been absent for some time, so I figure I might as well just rocket into the topic.
2 weekends ago, I went to Philadelphia to hang out with my brother (Gary) and his friends.
It was the usual scene of course:
The dorm
Good food
A lot of drinks
Invited females
It was something I was used to, so I didn't feel a stranger to anything,
yet I acted in the opposite manner.
Now please understand, I wasn't looking for any female to take or anything like that, no...
I, as other males, like to know that we still have "it".
It.
It goes by many names.
Mojo.
Game.
The thing that gets women to interact with us and the thing that keeps them with us.
So that night, I decided to hunt.
My prey was a full blooded, thick thigh-ed, phat ass, Brazilian named Mimi.
She had horrible breath, but
I was on it nonetheless.
We chit chatted a little during the Superbowl, along with my other friends watching the game.
Everything was kind of smooth, but I hit a snag somewhere. I cant tell you where or what, but I just wasn't conversing as smoothly as before.
As the night progressed, I just lost it in comparison to my other pack members.
She left the dorm and I knew that was it.
I spoke to Gary about my dilemma, but he only attributed my problem to Chanel (the first lady).
I figured that maybe I had the yips and it was just a temporary slip up,
plus her breath was really bad. I found myself planning to ask her if she wanted to take a trip to 7-11 under the guise for more chips, but buying gum and stuffing the whole damn pack in her mouth.
Really, it was like she wiped her ass with the taste buds on her tongue and gargled dirty kitty litter with chitterlings juice.
The rest of the weekend was ok, except that we didnt really do anything!
We looked for activities, but everyone they knew was either out of town or at the club, which I dont fancy to attend anymore due to a different altercation, so Saturday night was kind of a bust (S.N. Friday was fun as hell though, had a cool time).
The night waned and Gary had homework to do, so he began to do it.
I was left alone, taking the idle time to think about what was happening.
The yips could've been a very definite reason for my verbal slip-up's and utter lack of charm I've crafted through these years, but I didn't feel that was it.
I reviewed the whole weekend and took account of the things that happened:
Friday night, Gary banged some chick.
Sunday night, Jake banged some chick.
Friday and Saturday I was busy being irritated by something the first lady did, but we got cool around Sunday and we texted.
I thought about what Gary said as well.
Did Chanel take "it" out of me?
Was I really done in the field?
Well,
yes and no.
I looked at Gary and Jake's world through a scope and evaluated their individual problems and advantages.
Jake is a short story.
Jake fucks and keeps it moving to the next.
There is someone Gary and I speculate to have taken a loose, but eternal hold of Jake's heart.
On the outside looking in though, it looks like he wont let himself obtain that happiness and in that flaw, I see an older version of myself in him.
In my past, I had numerous times to be happy with someone.
I had girls who wanted to be with me and I would've loved to go with them as well, but I didn't.
It wasn't solely a thing of giving up the single life to be with them, it was just an odd, compulsive obsession of always trying to find one better, even if they were the best.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to run through as many females as possible until one presented herself as another Styrofoam barrier for me to blaze right through, but in actuality, was a titanium wall for me to scale.
( I know my imagery is off here and there in combination with the words, but give me this post to fuck-up)
I feel this is where he is.
He's just running with no true aim. I've done that. I'm past that.
If I just wanna fuck, that's my aim.
If I wanna go with you, when I figure that out, I'll make it known in time,
but just fucking for an answer?
From personal experience, I can say doing that is like racing every car on the highway..no matter how many cars you get in front of, no one's gonna win because of what's ahead.
Gary is a simpler story.
He'll settle down, that's no problem for him either.
The only thing that gets him is finding that one to settle down with.
It's the age old story that everyone goes through at some point in their life:
Wanting to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you.
And when you're in the wide, twisted environment of college, finding one in thousands isn't an easy task.
My brother is a great guy, but bitches dont see that. They want to play the field, and they are entitled to do such, yet when we get caught up in the same rush, we forget what the goal was while we fuck with these side missions.
In his on again, off again problem, I see a figment of my past as well.
That's their world. A weekend of different bitches.
2 nights to drink anything anyone bought.
Times to try. Times to succeed. Time to fail.
I'm not in that anymore now.
My world is traveling to different fucking states, improving my credit, packing my bags, and getting money both ways. My world includes a lady who I carry with me wherever I go and a phone full of nobodies that don't even know if I'm still alive.
(Not everybody, love ya Shaun!)
It's hard to leave something behind that I use to rule. Forreal.
I miss it here and there, but I am totally infatuated with where I am right now.
Im moving and because of that, my language and thoughts can't process things that my brain consider lower than where I am at this moment.
Brazilian bad breath bitches.....low
Hotel beds for the night and working for more than I have ever earned in my life thus far...high
Roaming city streets at 3 am, hating the cold weather....low
Roaming city streets at 3 am with my gang or lady, hating the cold weather....high
I left a school of thought and ended up in another one.
Is it better or worst, I ask at moments...
Can't say until I leave.
Later Days
2 weekends ago, I went to Philadelphia to hang out with my brother (Gary) and his friends.
It was the usual scene of course:
The dorm
Good food
A lot of drinks
Invited females
It was something I was used to, so I didn't feel a stranger to anything,
yet I acted in the opposite manner.
Now please understand, I wasn't looking for any female to take or anything like that, no...
I, as other males, like to know that we still have "it".
It.
It goes by many names.
Mojo.
Game.
The thing that gets women to interact with us and the thing that keeps them with us.
So that night, I decided to hunt.
My prey was a full blooded, thick thigh-ed, phat ass, Brazilian named Mimi.
She had horrible breath, but
I was on it nonetheless.
We chit chatted a little during the Superbowl, along with my other friends watching the game.
Everything was kind of smooth, but I hit a snag somewhere. I cant tell you where or what, but I just wasn't conversing as smoothly as before.
As the night progressed, I just lost it in comparison to my other pack members.
She left the dorm and I knew that was it.
I spoke to Gary about my dilemma, but he only attributed my problem to Chanel (the first lady).
I figured that maybe I had the yips and it was just a temporary slip up,
plus her breath was really bad. I found myself planning to ask her if she wanted to take a trip to 7-11 under the guise for more chips, but buying gum and stuffing the whole damn pack in her mouth.
Really, it was like she wiped her ass with the taste buds on her tongue and gargled dirty kitty litter with chitterlings juice.
The rest of the weekend was ok, except that we didnt really do anything!
We looked for activities, but everyone they knew was either out of town or at the club, which I dont fancy to attend anymore due to a different altercation, so Saturday night was kind of a bust (S.N. Friday was fun as hell though, had a cool time).
The night waned and Gary had homework to do, so he began to do it.
I was left alone, taking the idle time to think about what was happening.
The yips could've been a very definite reason for my verbal slip-up's and utter lack of charm I've crafted through these years, but I didn't feel that was it.
I reviewed the whole weekend and took account of the things that happened:
Friday night, Gary banged some chick.
Sunday night, Jake banged some chick.
Friday and Saturday I was busy being irritated by something the first lady did, but we got cool around Sunday and we texted.
I thought about what Gary said as well.
Did Chanel take "it" out of me?
Was I really done in the field?
Well,
yes and no.
I looked at Gary and Jake's world through a scope and evaluated their individual problems and advantages.
Jake is a short story.
Jake fucks and keeps it moving to the next.
There is someone Gary and I speculate to have taken a loose, but eternal hold of Jake's heart.
On the outside looking in though, it looks like he wont let himself obtain that happiness and in that flaw, I see an older version of myself in him.
In my past, I had numerous times to be happy with someone.
I had girls who wanted to be with me and I would've loved to go with them as well, but I didn't.
It wasn't solely a thing of giving up the single life to be with them, it was just an odd, compulsive obsession of always trying to find one better, even if they were the best.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to run through as many females as possible until one presented herself as another Styrofoam barrier for me to blaze right through, but in actuality, was a titanium wall for me to scale.
( I know my imagery is off here and there in combination with the words, but give me this post to fuck-up)
I feel this is where he is.
He's just running with no true aim. I've done that. I'm past that.
If I just wanna fuck, that's my aim.
If I wanna go with you, when I figure that out, I'll make it known in time,
but just fucking for an answer?
From personal experience, I can say doing that is like racing every car on the highway..no matter how many cars you get in front of, no one's gonna win because of what's ahead.
Gary is a simpler story.
He'll settle down, that's no problem for him either.
The only thing that gets him is finding that one to settle down with.
It's the age old story that everyone goes through at some point in their life:
Wanting to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you.
And when you're in the wide, twisted environment of college, finding one in thousands isn't an easy task.
My brother is a great guy, but bitches dont see that. They want to play the field, and they are entitled to do such, yet when we get caught up in the same rush, we forget what the goal was while we fuck with these side missions.
In his on again, off again problem, I see a figment of my past as well.
That's their world. A weekend of different bitches.
2 nights to drink anything anyone bought.
Times to try. Times to succeed. Time to fail.
I'm not in that anymore now.
My world is traveling to different fucking states, improving my credit, packing my bags, and getting money both ways. My world includes a lady who I carry with me wherever I go and a phone full of nobodies that don't even know if I'm still alive.
(Not everybody, love ya Shaun!)
It's hard to leave something behind that I use to rule. Forreal.
I miss it here and there, but I am totally infatuated with where I am right now.
Im moving and because of that, my language and thoughts can't process things that my brain consider lower than where I am at this moment.
Brazilian bad breath bitches.....low
Hotel beds for the night and working for more than I have ever earned in my life thus far...high
Roaming city streets at 3 am, hating the cold weather....low
Roaming city streets at 3 am with my gang or lady, hating the cold weather....high
I left a school of thought and ended up in another one.
Is it better or worst, I ask at moments...
Can't say until I leave.
Later Days
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