21

Ahh yea, this is a momentous occasion, one for celebration and joy. Today, the worries of going into a liquor store and fearing rejection at the counter fade away into oblivion. Today, my anxiety over whether or not a bouncer will honor my unconventional I.D. as proof of my "legal to drink" status dissolves as I finally attain the age of 21. To all my friends, I won't hold us down any longer in our pursuit of a great night. To strangers, I love to dance and sip on Irish Trashcans, wassup? And to all of you who are either older, younger, or the same age as me, reading this and thinking "Wow, this guy is really hype to turn 21, getcha life son," I say yes, I am hype. I have not let the past fortunate instances of purchasing alcohol or getting into a bar/club without proper identification spoil the luxury of today and beyond, so before I go, I say to you all the same thing I said to the bouncer last night, the same bouncer who wouldn't let me into a bar a couple of weeks ago due to my age: "Blackjack Bitches".

 

It's My Birthday and I'll Go Wild If I Want To.

 

Later Days, Longer Nights

Before

I'm going to wake up everyday with an energy that never dies.
Roll around bed, yelling aloud what I want to get done for the day.
Then I hop up, take a shower, eat breakfast and hit the door for classes.
Sit through the lectures, give my speech, come home, eat lunch, and head out for the rest.
Bus to work. Work. Bus from work. Home. And I'll do it all with this energy.

I picked it up about 2 weeks back.
For one of my classes, we had to sit and listen to a guest speaker.
He used to play for the Philly Flyers, lost his job, lost a lot of money, but built himself back up.
He was pretty funny, amazingly sharp, and amidst everything he said, one note stood out.

He said there are two types of people, energy sources and energy vampires.
We can be either one at any time, but the source will always trump the vampire.
Then it hit me:

Ever since I got to Temple, I was a vampire.

I felt out of place,

None of my friends had the same class at me. My alopecia is still visible in one part of my hair.

I was just weirded out.

I was finally in the place I wanted to be since I was 17, 

Now I got it, and I'm terrified of what people might think of me, if they already don't have a notion.

I don't tend to make the best first impression.

And this anxiety started to hamper my behavior. 

I was sluggish, no head high, no smirk, just moving. With the rest of the zombies in crowds.

Well, I found a cure.

A cure in the past.

Before I cared.

It was in the before.

Now, I'm way better.

Keep a source. Keep a vampire.

One to be. One to be wary of.

Later Days, Longer Nights

Riding On My Back, Skating Past Neon Lights

I gotta get a grip on this new school and the environment that comes along with it.

You guys know I love getting lost, in what I'm doing, in what I'm becoming...

And I find myself attracted to destructive people, because we know how to create the best.

I wonder myself when I will stop writing in this thing, writing like I don't know what I want to say,

But I always do.
I keep it right here though. With you. Because you see....

I feel like we all need to create something outside of ourselves.

I read this guy's blog, he was in the army and chronicled his time in it.
I read from start to finish in one sitting....
Seemed like he did it all: commanded squads, captured terrorists, and he was able to keep his mind through it all,
Never once letting his system get to him.

It didn't end well though.

His last post was over a year or two ago and it ended with him needing surgery or something. Seemed like he would get discharged.
Amidst his posts, he had a link to a friend of his who was also in the army.

I almost started reading all his posts as well, until I read the latest one.
He was killed in combat.
But his memories and words were still out here, in cyber space. For a year and some now.

I think this is how a part of me will stay alive, past my mortality.
Did you ever know, I want to be immortal.

But I feel like a fool, thinking immortality means never dying.

Later Days, Longer Nights

Before The Second Thoughts

Today after the gym, i was walking home and had to cross the street.

It was a 4 way intersection with no light,

just a stop sign

and i went to cross the street and this guy in this red and white striped Camaro

came blazing up the street and almost hit me, before throwing on his brakes

 I looked at the car, then at him

and nodded my head and went across the street

but while i did that,

I had these really primal thoughts

I saw myself throwing my jug of water that I was carrying at his car

and then, i thought about jumpin on top of the hood of his car

and breaking in the windshield.

Then afterwards, I saw myself draggin him out the car by his hair 

(he was one of those Arabic guys who think they are really fly and have shaggy and unkempt hair)

and driving his face into the concrete road. 

His nose was bloody in my head and I laughed at him trying to clean it with my hand still twisted, gripping his hair.

And then I blinked, or something, and kept on my way.

But after I snapped back, I felt bad.

Is this who I really am before the second thoughts?

Probably not, probably not at all,

But I don't want those thoughts.

Later Days, Longer Nights

We Trying

This city really takes your days.

It'll give you your nights, but the sunlight is never your's here.

I have no idea where I've been

But the idea is fun.

Please forgive me.

I need your attention when your love wanes.

I need your skin when the covers don't amount.

Saying everything right, never doing it though.

Don't let it swallow me.

Dear goodness, don't let this city eat me whole,

If at all.

I forget a lot. I drop the ball. I breathe. Repeat.

Later Days, Longer Nights