Give In

“At the end of the day, all any of us wants is to feel good. And whether it’s a long wet kiss on a dark night, or a needle in the arm, it’ll gnaw at you until you give in…..until you let yourself give in. And there is nothing else in the world that feels better than giving in to your inner monster.” 

And I can't believe I held back on you this long
We were good for a time but things got out of line
Out of hand
Out of control
For you
As we ended up on two opposite sides
Pretending to be two halves of the same loaf

You are boring
You are lazy
You have no aim
I could forgive all of that
All of it
If you weren't content with such flaws
But I held back
Letting you scratch at me name
You called me lazy
You called me too much
Yet I'm neither and too much
Is just personality when coupled next to you

Then that happened
That night, you know?
 It's easy to forget who you really are
To have all your failures weigh more than your achievements
When they really only weigh more because we view them as heavy in the first place
I took my foot off
Giving in
Looking you right in the eyes
Those eyes that look down on me
From the top floor of my stairs

You have a car
That you wanna supe up and make look better
Living at home with your mother and your teenage sister and her baby
Going to work and home and work and home
Just graduating high school and I ask "What's next? What's new?"
"Nothing. Nothing."
"I wanna leave this house though. Get my own place..."
"Then save up, what's stopping you?"
"I don't want to pay bills."
Theres a difference between "don't" and "can't",
That difference is effort

I stole $15 from your purse that night
Because it feels better
Giving in
Biting down.


Later Days, Longer Nights

When Money Holds You From Health

Jeez, I was so excited to go out this July 4th weekend and stretch my legs for a change, but of course fate had other plans....

I went to bed that Tuesday night and I was really hot and itchy,
like unbearable itchy....

All I know is, I had a reaction to something and my hands and feet and elbows and face shot up a rash.
Currently, my face looks fine, cept for my nose which is a minor inconvenience.
I let my feet keep the small brown, swelled up spots. There aren't that many there and when they decided to peel off, I'll assist.

But my hands are fucking gross now.

At first they had those brown spots all over, looking like snake scales.
Then I realized that each spot was dead, dead skin that wanted to be ripped.
Well, I thought....
Either be lizard guy or peeler man, so I decided to rip the skin off.

I have Caucasian digits now.

Guess it'll take time for the skin to heal back, but at least its progress.

This post isn't really about that though...

I feel like this should be about the current healthcare system, how I couldn't see the proper doctor because I don't have any insurance.
I feel this should be about some of the harm of modern medicine, how the meds they prescribed me (which didn't even work) have given me side effects which I hope to reel from in the coming weeks.
Maybe it should be about the value of one's life when he or she yields little to no money in our society, like what am I worth if I can't see the right doctor for my ailment.

No, fuck it, I'll just fix myself.

Later Days, Longer Nights