Post Grad

When you leave college, it's harder to connect with a significant other due to work and other responsibilities you'll both have.
If you get together with someone in college and you both can navigate adulthood together post graduation, it'll be a more fulfilling experience since you both get to know each other in a more intimate way.

Or so I believe.

My on/off relationship with trying to connect with someone is coming to a close.
I've sworn off Temple girls and since that's what I'm constantly surrounded by, I'm basically making myself stay solo.

I've got everything else so straight...bills, work, food, most things.
Little drama. Loving family.

I'm not actively looking for a relationship or anything of that ilk, but I do admit it would be nice to smoke and eat with someone.
It isn't happening though.

I don't want to go out with someone just so I can feel like I'm securing one aspect of my future.
I did that with Chanel at some point and that (among other reasons) is why it was difficult to let her go.

I'm not perfect and I have many flaws.
We don't live in a perfect system, so what we perceive as flaws are only differences.
I'm weird and I need to learn that isn't a bad thing at all.
I'm a good weird.

I'm not out here murdering people or intentionally hurting people's feelings.
Mixing champagne with whiskey, listening to Tame Impala, and attempting to fix my resting bitch face is what I'm doing.
I'm not a bad person.
I'm not bad, but I'll never tell you that I'm good because
when people see good, they expect good.
I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, but my own.

While I firmly believe that college sweethearts have stronger relationships than the alternative, I'm not pigeonholing that part of my life to that idea.
If it's too late, then so be it.

Anything that happens twice is sure to happen again.

Later Days, Longer Nights

God is a woman, too

Someone will always love you
It's who you are
The way you think and what you do that
attracts people
You never need to be shy or
angry
You are warm and soft to those you know

You cry when you feel it
You don't hold it in
The world needs people like you
More of you

As long as someone knows you exist
you will always be loved

But not me

I'm not easy
My heart sits in the dark
most days
I'm rarely warm

I'm not easy
Worldly, fair
Tame

You sound like Christmas Day
You're free in the wind
with many places to call home

You avoid explosions,
the rain, disasters, pain,
moldy food, dirt, open wounds, depression, hunger,
fallen stars

You avoid me

We love you and you slightly know it
I can't say the same for me


Later Days, Longer Nights