Root 3

So, its Christmas now.
Happy birthday Jesus and God, I havent lost the true meaning of the day in my crippled life.
I dont know why I was up, but I was.
I happened to catch the last bit of Harold and Kumar 2 and was very interested in Kumar's little math poem and he said something about not wanting to be a root 3. As most people should know, root 3 is indivisbile. Its just always a root 3 and like Kumar noted, is "lonely".
This is the first Christmas where I havent felt any spirit.
Aside from the fact that I wont be getting any presents (Im moving, but I didnt really care for presents),
my mum is going to work Christmas day.
I'll wake up alone.
She always used to work Christmas day and I just repressed my childhood sadness, until it revisted my soul today.
She told me around midday and I just felt detached from then on.
I have, in a sense, been alone on Christmas (until I met up with my other family members later on) since I was 10.

It took today and Kumar's little poem for me to realize that Im a fuckin' root 3.
I have friends and family, but theres just something Im missing.
I have no idea what it is.
A person? Object? No idea.
I feel like a black sheep coming home.
Back to the root of my problem,
but I havent solved it.
I know it wont be long, but when I think in retrospect its been a big gap.
I've mostly been a root 3 all my life.
Sometimes, I filled the gap with a girlfriend, but I never had a normal one of those.
They were always further then I could reach.
Maybe I need something around me,
something I can hold when I feel and not long for.
Oh well... I'll just bite these bullets and do what I do best:
become numb beyond belief.

Merry Christmas
Later Days