Werewolf

I dont need this solitary society.
Wide skies with starry nights, thats what I know.
Every since I'd been introduced to the television,
I've been dead.
Theres so much more of the world out there to see.
Let me run free and infect other people with my dreams.
Towns unknown and people strange to me are littered out there.
I probably have a twin,
a father,
and greater destiny hidden in another place, waiting to be retrieved.
My moira will take me as far as I need.
What I need is everywhere.
Everything is everywhere.

Later Days

Reminded

" I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded."

I wrote this in my dorm:

I come by sometimes.
I speak with elegance and nostalgic grace.
I wish you would remember.
You listen to what I say.
You respond with empty words.
You didn't forget, you just choose to ignore.
Sometimes I hope you'd be reminded.

Later Days

Ashley.

Wow,
a lot of people are searching her name.
I guess she's upset with me for putting her name out there like that....but oh well.
If she has a problem, she can contact me.
I knew my entry "The List" would gather controversy from the start.
Aside from that,
I HATE MY SCHOOL.
IM LEAVING.

That is all.
Later Days

Holding My Breath

Aye!
Sup world.
Hope everything been good.
As for me...
well, its ok.
Could be better of course.
Im on Spring Break and I kicked it off with a trip to Temple to hang with my bro again.
It was a great weekend.
Met new people, dranked new things, and just lived it up ya know?

Then I came home.

I felt fine all the way up until I got in the house.
It just hit me with no reason,
no regard to my environment,
nothing.
Feels like a rhino is crashing through my head and my heart.
I can't tell you where my mind is right now.

Im not sure if Im missing the high or genuinely wanting to stay there.
Temple, im talking about of course.
I dont think I can bottle Maryland anymore.
This head rush extends past my room, my house,
UMBC, and all these small places.
They are all small in comparison to MD.
It feels like Im holding my breath when Im here.

Is leaving this place a dream?
Cause if it is, I either need to take the escape or buy a crutch to keep me from running away.
Im not sure though...
is it the high, the lies, the bliss, or something I really miss.
Can it be something I really need to go for?
I always talk about taking the moment, but is this right ?

Im trying to explain what Im feeling, yet I cant.
No words for this one.

Later Days

UMBC Thoughts

I feel so loud here.
I feel louder than the students.
I feel louder than the school.

Majority of people here are studious.
They will study Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
and Sunday.
Not for a test.
Not for a quiz.
Just to.

I think I want to escape.
I think I know the way,
but I dont have the support to pull away from this place.

I cant see myself graduating here.

My roommate says "There's stuff to do here, you just gotta look around or make your own fun."
I tried.
I failed.
I tried 5 times.
I failed 5 times.
Now I want a change.

Later Days

All of The Lights

How many times have I been absorbed in this shine?
We can do anything we want in them
and when they go away,
we dont know our way.

They speak to us in clear whispers.
I can't leave them.
It has a life of its own,
living out its desire with my body.
Im not the only victim of this bliss;
everyone in the club are too.

This whole street strip may cause me a seizure.
Its going fast,
too fast for me to see.
The lights dont want me to see without it.
It sedates me.
"More drinks, looser girls."
It orders more and they distract me.
No one believes me.
I keep telling them....

"Just look at it. Can't you hear it? Doesn't it call you too?"

Im not crazy.
It speaks to me.

Don't get caught in them
or they'll take you too.

Later Days

Monster

Its not a condition.
Its an addiction, a way of life, and a sad memory.

When you can't remember how many people you've slain,
its becomes a problem too.
All their faces in one mixing blur.
I cant let it go either because
I wished for this.
A long time ago, this was the only thing I heard about from my friends.
This act...
the power that came with it.
I wanted to live that out.
I never experienced it until 11th grade and then it was all uphill from there.
The monster was born.
I will never forget the surge of energy from my first kill, never.
Exiting that house with new found strength.
Oh, how little did I know.
No one told me the power was temporary.
When it wore off, I always wanted more.

It isn't a casual activity;
it can become a lust
and a craving.
Those guys who introduced me to this thrill didn't even know their selves...
there's a hunger for more.
We were good guys who just got caught up in horrible deeds.

Now I ravage the victim with endless thrusts and twirl my tongue wherever they flinch in pleasure.
Theres no end, sadly.
It will only grow worse over time too.
There can only be growing numbers, there's no decrease.
If I could start clean with a new slate, I dont think I would deny the chance.
My monster wont let me go.
My monster wont let them go.
It only wants more.

When the faces are too many to recall
and the moments are all recorded in dark rooms,
where do you draw the line?
How do you defeat the creature when you yourself enjoy the thrills?

Later Days

Charlie Sheen

Hey world.
How are ya?
Whelp, Im ready to destroy this weekend.
Got all the players and the setting.
I feel like Im on my Charlie Sheen, Im just winning.
I gotta couple death-wishes, fewer road blocks, and I
lost a couple friends, but it was cool.
We keep going.
I got one gear, one speed....its all go.

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain"---Charlie Sheen

Later Days

Nega-Dominick

We all have it in us.
No matter what anyone tells you, theres only two sides to who you are.
The positive.
The negative.
Villian.
Hero.
Protagonist or antagonist.
Dominick
and
Nega-Dominick.

I want to come to terms with my Nega personality.
That part of me that has warped some of my memories,
granted me overwhelming anger in the face of someones cries,
and has broken me down to somebody that I didn't want to be.
Someone who no one should've ever seen.
It all just comes from stress, ya know?
A stressful past and irritating present doesn't do well on the soul.
So I take an escape and no...
alcohol doesnt dim this pain.
I just become someone else.
Everything I never wanted to be.
It takes its toll on those who come across its path.
I dont know why I refer to it as a "thing" when the "thing" is me,
but it doesnt feel like it.

Yet who (or what) is Nega-Dominick?

Angry and pessimistic (first and foremost).
A hedonist.
A liar.
Faults, flaws, fears, and one big fight in himself.
He's the one who attacks while he's hurt.
Even if he defeated the world,
he would still have to beat himself.
And thats the difference between my two sides:
he beats himself up constantly over things that were out of his control,
I dont.

At the end of the day,
all I need is my friends, family, lil bit of pocket change, and hope.
He only has regrets and blood on his hands.
Everyday.

I try my best to keep that part of me at bay.
Im doing pretty well here and there with the task.
For now.

Later Days