Lights Out

I'm stuck in between two thoughts right now.
The lights are out and the mind gets to brewing...

1. Am I a selfish nomad? I'm always on the go and sometimes, I don't even need to go to these places. Dreaming of making a home,yet I don't know how it's suppose to happen. Can you ever take reign of someone's heart who's always too far away from yours?
I treat people bad. I revel in the experience. I regret the act. I repeat.
I forgive. I roam. I think. I want to believe in more, even when I have no clue of what's to come.
Keeping you here, with me, maybe...
Might work out.
You hear me from afar, but I forget my own name from time to time.
Who do hear when you think of me?
Someone who has been dead for a while...probably.
I live up to date,
the version you know is obsolete. 
Savor what I'm falling for? I don't get that gift.
There will always be this cold inside me.

2. Are these actions justified? I get it already... I get busy, 
and I'm only leaving to make sure that when i come back, I got it...

everything I'm looking for in life: 

financial stability, 

success, 

none of this stress,

and maybe, when all those things come to me, the one who held me down while I was running around, will be there still, to get her crown and ring.

I think I know what I'm doing

and

even though I have sowed doubt within the first two words,

it's more than you know.

This is for the greater good, decadent activities included for the release and capture of an unknown.

I still have so much love for what can be, when it becomes.

And I'll be surprised if anyone sticks around.

 

"You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me?
I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream"

Later Days, Longer Nights