Could Be

Today is semi-amazing

Last night, I caught myself watching Fight Club on IFC and even though I read the book back in 11th grade, I never watched the movie until now

Granted, I started it in the middle and didn't finish it all the way through, I still payed attention when it was on

I was right in the middle of it and went to sleep after the scene where Tyler Durden holds a clerk hostage in the back of a store

He ushers the clerk from the store and makes him get on his knees, with Tyler placed behind him, pointing a revolver at his head

The clerk is all tears and shaking, thinking this is it for him

Tyler tells the clerk to take out his wallet
He obliges

As this whole thing is going on, the unnamed narrator of the movie (played by the brilliant edward Norton) stands and watches this whole thing go down, clearly uncomfortable with Tyler's actions, yet blind to Tyler's true goal

So, Tyler is skimming through this trembling clerk's wallet,
taking out his driver's license and an old college ID the clerk saved

Tyler reads off his address from the license and coolly says,
"Now I know where you live."

Then he moves his attention over to the college ID and asks the clerk what he studied

"Stuff...I studied stuff", he squeals between sobs and shakes

Tyler hits him on the head with the revolver or something and yells at him to tell him what his major was

"Biology"
"Why did you pick that?"
"I wanted to be a veterinarian"

After a little back and forth, Tyler says,

"Would you rather be dead? Would you rather die? Here, on your knees in the back of a convenience store?"
"No, please no!"

He takes his gun down and throws his wallet in front of the clerk

"I'm keeping your license. I'm gonna check in on you. I know where you live. If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks, you will be dead. Now run on home."

The clerk hauls ass and Tyler turns to narrator who berates him for what he did.
To this Tyler only says,

"Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted."

The narrator thinks about everything that has happened from beginning to end, turning a slight smile on his face. Tyler then throws him the revolver, which to the narrator's surprise, had no bullets in it at all.
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Aside from my butchered retelling of that scene, i thought it was cool last night and didn't think too much it past that. It was nice to see something I read visualized in front of me.
I went to sleep.
I woke up at 6:30 am.
I went to the gym a hour later.

About halfway through my session, I thought about that scene again.
I felt like the narrator after that whole thing was over....
I saw it from beginning to end, rather than just the beginning.
Then, I related it to a past experience I went through last year.

Even though I had caffeine and nitroc oxide supplements pumping through me,
I went far past those powders and pills.
Spiritually.

I thought how I could be dead or imprisoned or worse off than where I am.
The music in my ears sounded clearer and I even touched the very carpet I walked on to feel its scratchy texture against my palm.

I have the privilege to make choices
The freedom to walk wherever I want
Eat whatever I can afford
and some people don't.

As fast as I have it, I can lose it
Most people would reduce this into a quick "I'm blessed" and move it along
But I don't want to do that
I may forget this high and start to feel like my life is mundane or horrible
It's still here though, that rush
I'll learn as much as I can from it before it goes

Later Days, Longer Nights