Picking You

dandelion seeds kicked up into the air
dancing in the wind
through twirls

remind me of all the desires
I have

I'm thrown back into the magic
of life
the rare moment where I'm not operating on
autopilot
my status is more than neutral
I am more than stone

she comes in colors
and i can
finally see every single one

involved

very aware
of the hope I placed on you
false & extensive

we never had a chance and I even prayed for one to become
available
God ignores me

don't do it to make me safe
or to refrain from hidden thoughts

I don't write to get closer
I'm writing to get away
come March, you'll do the same

involved
I can't lie
you did and it made me angry
then I lied right back to you
lied to keep us alive
a lie alive

you showed your faith in this
leaving me appalled
even then I still
care

im involved yet will pretend
this is nothing

I do care

Expelling the poison before it eats me.

This is what I get.
I let my guard down.
It was too early to call it love, but it was more than a crush.
I rarely give chances, so it was nice to get where we were.
I let my guard down and this is karma for some fucked up shit I did about 2 weeks ago.

She's amazing in every sense of the word
and
She belongs to the world.

I lose people regularly, claiming I don't care.
Right when I noticed that we could be going south, I almost said it again:

"I dont care, fuck this."

But I didn't. I do care. I really cared.
I'd look at her and think "I hope I don't fuck this up".
Then my thoughts grew to "Shit, I'm screwed. I'm all in for this girl."

Now I'm here again, alone.

It only hurts cause I really figured I knew best,
thought I knew when someone was different from the rest.