Worse

 Yesterday, I really thought about what would be the quickest way to leave

I don't own any bullets, but I pass by a lot of gun shops

Yesterday was a real blow to my future plans, plans that

I didn't even make yet

And I lost it

That's easy to do here

America, the land of one chance.

Things got worse and due to what's coming, my life will be altered for a very long time

There's no fighting this one

I keep doing shit that makes me hate myself and

when things are going smooth and I got it under control,

that curve ball comes around the bend and strikes me in the throat.

Compared to my friends, at times it feels like my life is infinitely worse.

When things go wrong or good, I call them....not my actual blood family.

Not cause I don't want to, I just can't really talk to them.

It adds to why I feel so alone.

Everything changed yesterday...right before I left work.

I don't want to do something I can't come back from, so I called my friend and just vented.

I thought about it all night, stressed over it

Then today I woke up and grounded myself

Worst:

    noun

            the most serious or unpleasant thing that could happen.

Worse:

noun

1. a more serious or unpleasant event or situation.

Things have definitely gotten worse for me, but they aren't the worst. Today, I woke up and started to digest what's on the way. It is certainly a major setback, but I gotta take my current blessings and run with them. I will have to adapt and still learn how to grow through this.

I didn't have to put these thoughts here...I know.

But I have a problem with wanting to remember.

No matter what happens next, I have to keep this feeling of hope.

I need to.

Otherwise I might slip up again, get smart and stupid, and just use what I already got:

Sleeping pills and booze.

Later days, Longer Nights