I feel like no one cares about me

There's love within the family and friend relationships i have, but still...i think you can love without caring

I feel that i dont have anyone to talk to about the real things on my mind

I feel discarded by my mother. Theres so much i can write about this, but it all boils down to just that...she brought me here, kinda raised me, and then peaced out by the time i turned 20. I have no history beyond the one ive crafted each and every day of my life since ive been born. That might be enough for most, but i know theres more.

I feel like my gf is using me sometimes...and when she says "we're family" and then weaponizes her famous statement "i know my family will love me and support me", i can feel the detachment of myself in that statement. Guess we're only family when it suits her. Like a reserve on Family Feud. Do you really know me? 

My friends will be loved unconditionally...but they're everywhere and they got their own lives to live. I respect it and thats that.

My family is the same...but no one keeps up with each other unless they are nearby. I haven't been nearby for nearly 5+ years. 

I read posts here from when i was younger and everything is different, yet the same.

Im not the only human free falling through existence. Still doesn't make my pain feel any less.

I'm not a child anymore, I don't want to die. 

But when will this pain subside?

I have this thing...this thing where i let loose and allow my emotions to run...fucking flowing like a waterfall.

And right when i address all my problems, i put the wall back up and retreat into my shell. I dont want to do that, but i have to.

No one wants to hear this shit. 

Or at least ive convinced myself of such. Im good at that.

I feel alone most of the time. 

The last time i didnt feel like this was back in Philly. Stronger bonds. 

I dont know what to do to get past this. 

But,