The Human Insecurity

I wonder if my lack of apathy for things has become my downfall and my trademark?
Today I was talking to an old friend and she said she liked my personality.
"Jackass personality?", I responded.
"Yeah...dont change it", she said.

That struck me.
Im not sure why though.
As all my friends and I get older, we are growing up...flat.
Point blank.
Most of my pals are getting committed and other stuff of "adult" stature and Im not sure if they are just growing into it naturally or just faking it.
From what they tell me in secret, they're faking it,
but they present this public image that differs from their public actions.

When I step back from the image I act on in the world, sometimes I get to thinkin'
and wondering if my two worlds are separate:
who I appear to be
and
what I really am.
I really wish I had the courage to go up and ask a stranger what they thought of me from appearance, but as I said... Im not brave enough to ask.

I D K....

On a side note,
I find it hard to believe that someone can make me happy.
I find it harder to believe that I can make someone happy.
Just my mind frame at the time.

Later Days