Dear Dad,
How have you been? Its been 18 years and Im still here, holding it all down. Im in college and boy oh boy... the whole journey to this point has been one hell of a ride. The coaster isnt even over either! I learned how to ride a bike, drive a car, put on a condom properly, shave, and other guy stuff on my own. It was just me and....well me. You know mum would help as best as she could, but she can't get it all with somethings. She got a big heart. You knew that. Honestly though, between me and you...I could've been a better son to her. You wouldnt understand though. Stuff justs get in the way and well.... thats a conversation for another day.
I feel like I gotta tell you some stuff. You'll understand where you stand in my book by the end of it. Its things thats been locked in my brain for years and I feel like you should hear me out:
I dont know how old I was when I figured you wouldn't come home. A part of me hoped that I would be able to know the two halves that made me whole. My mum's life didn't seem too open and free, so when I was younger, I dreamed you were the wilder side I always sought after.When I was like 7 or 10, my mind went crazy with the possibilities that you were a goverment agent, explorer, or whatever seemed exciting during that time. Deep down, I hoped you would come around and tell me of a greater destiny that I had to uphold. You would crash through that apartment door in Woodlawn and pick me up with one arm saying, "Im sorry son." Then, it would all be forgiven from there. The love would reappear in an instant and we would be a family with a purpose. Something like a Cinderella story come true, but you know...just not with white people or a glass slipper. You were suppose to be the magic that lifted my life to something more than I knew. Can you picture it through my own eyes? Another family, another legacy, a whole new world (no Aladdin reference) for me to embrace, with open arms and eternal love. It would've all come with you, but things didn't work out that way. Guess it was for the best.
You didn't really leave me with any last words, so I took it upon myself to say hello and I want you to know that Im not angry anymore. I used to be, almost every day, but I let it go. We good.
Aside from that, nothings really bothered me, except or Father's Day. Thats my little weak spot, yet I take the day in stride. I hope you doing great wherever you are. I want to do good by a lot of people and I can say you are one of them. I want to do what you do, but since I dont know you, I can only make guesses at what that is. On some side notes, dont worry... these females aint trippin' me. G and I got that on hand and these niggas out in the streets aint stressin' me either. Im keeping to the sky with my head, aint looking down no time near at all. Im keeping mum safe too. No fretting.
Theres a lot more I want to say, but its getting late and I gotta get ready for class tomorrow, so goodnight. Im gonna do my best, shooting for better than success.
Thanks for the genes,
Your only son.
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Rough draft for my memoir
Later Days
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