Forgiven

I really am trying to step up in this hectic life I live and it isnt really easy.
There is something I took pride in that I have to change about myself, so these demons can leave my mind and soul.
I used to love the fact that I could say (and mean) "I never forget. I deal in revenge."
Now that I look at that shit, it looks immature as fuck.
I know some of these people read my blog, I know some dont, yet either way Im happy to put it out there that Im ready to forgive;
Never forget, but I can forgive.

Amellia
I knew from start to finish that when I walked back into your life that something was going to be wild. Honestly, I came to you in pursuit of the physical, but it did grow for me into something more. I'm sorry I didnt feel the same as you did, I still got some growing up to do, but so do you. I let you down a lot, but I really did try to be the best I could. Recently, I drove by your house late at night (not on purpose) and, oddly enough, didnt feel a single drop of hatred brewing or revengeful thoughts, I actually wanted to see how you were doing. Hopefully you can forgive me for all that I've done, because I've forgiven you.

Desmond
You hurt me. You hurt my mother. I had to place a burden upon my aunt for 5 years because of you. I considered you the evil that men commit...and it wasnt even for a purpose; no aim, no logical reasoning, just because you could. I owe a bit of my unpredictably to you and a lot of my problems too. I wont go in too deep, but I (coincidentally) saw you about a year or 2 ago, driving a cab. I hid from your view, but I didnt run away. I never will again.
Then another day, we actually walked past each other. You were on that street near Lexington market, and I saw you walking up. I balled my fists up, preparing to strike you down in that bumbling crowd of people. I let the heat of my heart and old, fallen tears take hold of my whole being. I knew I was ready. I knew I could kill you, with my bare hands at that.
For that moment, I wanted to feel the life slip from your mouth as I choked you to death around all those people.
No one would've stopped me.
I know this.
I wouldn't let them stop me.

Then you saw me. You looked me dead in the eye and perked up.
I fought you before, but then I was a child.
This encounter would be different and you saw it. I was bigger, you had become frail as the years trailed on and there wasn't anyone to stop me from killing you unlike the times before.
I spiked your alcohol with the bleach and rubbing alcohol you threw at me, but someone saved you.
I stood over your sleeping body with the sharpest knife we had one early morning, but someone even saved you then.
Not today though.
When we got about 2 meters from each other though, I breathed. I exhaled and it was the purest breath I've taken so far in my life.
We got about shoulder length from each other and your head swiveled to see what I would do, and when we had our backs to each other, I could still feel the gaze in your eyes following me.
I can't hurt everyone who has hurt me anymore.
It doesn't work that way, I learned that.
In what you tore down of my spirit, you raised in my courage and now I never will fear another man again. I forgive you for all you've done because now I know that even if I cant stop someone (or something), Im still going to let you know that Im here to fight anyway.

Jill
Im going to keep this sweet, short, and painful. I loved you, you didnt love me, I couldnt get over it, I fought for it, I lost, I got depressed, I fucked too many females to replace you, I fought for you again, I lost again, I took it into my heart, I let it sit there for a long time, I got over it, I started back up, now Im the Alpha and Im good. Thank you for the lesson, I forgive you, but ya lost! lol

Later Days