Nett'e

I disowned my mother a couple weeks ago.
I'm 22. I've been emancipated for 6 years.
All after Thanksgiving, after another round, It hit me....

For 22 years, I've been treated badly.
My mum will say the meanest shit about me, so much that it becomes true.
The only thing she ever wants from me is money.
After another round, It hit me...
She's never said she was proud of me. Never happy with any of my accomplishments.
During that car ride to her job,

I said, "I don't feel like I know you. I don't know where you were born, what you went through at school, like shit, I don't even know my own father. Not even his name. I do know he's dead, and I'm not sure who'll go first between me and you, but if its you, I want to know who are...not to be nosy, but to know who my mother is and how we ended up in this crazy life, how you pulled through alone....all of it."

She remained silent through the whole ride.
The next time we spoke, it was as if I never said a thing about her past.

I don't know if I'm doing good, if ever.
I take my victories and apply them to the next challenge.
Yet, I think I would feel a little better about all the lying and trickery if she at least said,
"Well, do what you got to do Dominick, I love you anyways."

What am I doing half of this shit for? Just so I can make it to graduation with a nice ass career waiting for me, just to hear her say "You got that $2000 for wrecking my car?"

I feel like this is why I don't believe people when they say "Im sorry"...or just about things in general.
I think everyone's lying except when it comes to money...and you can still lie about that too.

She won't be disowned forever. That's my mother and I love her more than I hate her, but I need time to think about me and to not worry about her, time to repair my energy and my trust issues with people who are unintentionally filling her spot.

Later Days, Longer Nights