Insurance

 Among the many lifelong subjects (ranging from taxes, financial literacy, debt, credit cards, etc.) the U.S. public school system should teach to students, insurance should be at the top.

I'm pretty certain more than half the country doesn't really understand how it works.

I am included in that figure.

My insurance got changed for some reason and now all my doctors and dentists are no good. Im not really bummed out about this aspect.

Im upset at the fact that now I have to find a new therapist.

I got an appointment I long time ago and was suppose to finally go to my first session once I got back, but now that's dead.

He was perfect (from the reviews)...black, educated, and seemed to know his shit.

I always thought it was a good idea to go, but I haven't been sleeping for almost 2 months now.

Not full blown insomnia, but I'll try to go to sleep and end up only clocking like 2-3 hours at most.

Its making me tired (of course), paranoid, easily agitated, and just an overall shittier person.

I don't want to be prescribed any medication though...I think I need advice and a little bit of guidance from someone who will actually listen to me without bias.

Between my bi-coastal problems, I dont know what to expect next, but

I know the show will keep going on...cause it always does. 

Its so funny that it borders depressing.

You can't have happy endings in sitcoms, not really, because if everyone's happy, the show would be over, and above all else, the show...has to keep going. There's always more show. Until there isn't.

You know, the weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you're next. I mean, you know, obviously it's not like there's a waitlist for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty.

Later Days , Longer Nights

Whoa

 I've never written a post from my phone. 

Feels so new age.

Comes with the bease of accessibility and the flaws of typos.

So what did i wanna say?

There's no perfect version of me once this ends.

I tried to be spiteful, yet God had other plans.

It's too late for me on the other end.

I don't even wanna be happy. I just wanna do right.

But when a liar tells the truth, can she accept it as such or just think it's a lie?

I don't know. I'm not being dramatic when i tell my friends i want to die.

I close my eyes and i can see her crying.

All the time...literally.

I take the bus in Baltimore and i have a decent amount of time to myself and my mind wanders....i like it, but it strolls back to her.

And i think about this song and the part that says "I done did shit that make me hate myself". I'm trying to fix the Wi-Fi while i let one eye cry.

The song title is "It gets better" but i haven't seen it yet.

Later days , longer nights