Brothers

I dont have any blood brothers.
I was born an only child and suffered lonliness at an early age...
well,
I was aware of my lonliness at an early age.
I didnt create imaginary friends,
hold a blanket or tuck a toy underneath my sheets when I went to sleep.
When I wanted to talk to someone when my mum was working,
I talked to my myself.
I asked questions outloud.
I answered those same questions in my mind.
No one taught me about females,
shaving,
a whole bunch of crud I should've known.
In my younger times, I was more interested in playing video games and escaping to a televised reality where I had comrades, foes, and an objective to complete.
Even when approaching high school, I had barely made a true grounded friendship (aside from Aaron J. in middle school) that I would sacrifice all my dreams for.

Then Gary came along.

Gary Forward is that nigga lol.
Thats my number one brother to death and beyond.
He was the first.
I now have a couple of guys I consider bro's,
but he is my right hand because
Im left handed.
This guy taught me about everything I should have known and things I shouldn't have.
That isnt the aspect of our brotherhood that I cherish the most though...
the shining aspect of our history to me is that while he taught me a lot of things,
he also allowed me to teach him too.
Coming from a home where mum was never home,
I crafted my own rules and code of conduct that I live by today.
I exposed Gary to my life and views.
No matter how insane or drastically sadistic I came across,
he didnt judged.
He wasn't a brother that I viewed in a godly stance,
ya know?
The older sibling that you look up to and hear stories of thier greatness.
He was human.
We saw eye to eye,
we never looked down or above one another.
I loved that.
In a world where everyone wants to be the best, the greatest,
just the top dog...
we were content being underdogs who occasionally came out on top.

I only remember one problem we had in our entire history,
yet looking back...
that shit was real dum.
Gary helped me create the night life I embrace today.
No one lived like us,
at least no one I ever met.
Staying out till sunrise,
meeting countless people,
and trying mostly every drink that was present.
We never knew drama,
our cell phones were always packed with numbers,
and no matter the end event of the night
we had a good couple of laughs.

I love that guy to death.
I wont say no homo either because this is no where near that gutter.
That guy is my brother.
First and greatest.
He will be my best man at my wedding,
he will the uncle to my first child,
and lastly,
he's always just gonna be.
I wish him the best forever and today with no second thoughts.

Cheers nigga,
we made it to college.
Heres to more years and
crazier bitches to come!

Later Days

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The Animal in Me

She loves me

and I love her too.

Please dont question my knowledge on the fact of these feelings...

I dont throw words of such caliber around with ease.

They are mostly kept somewhere underground,

buried beneath past ghosts and false hopes I've had.

Somewhere in my heart,

somewhere in my mind,

I know you'll be a memory I keep living time after time.

Green grass under moon-lit nights,

summer breeze hitting your hair,

yeah.

I looked into your eyes with

no fear,

kissing those lips with slow embrace.

Why rush a good thing?

I hope you remember me

cause I remember you,

but that was the past

and theres so much more I can tell you

about now.

Now,

I wind straight hair,

braids,

whatever the hair-do may be

around my fist,

clinched,

pulling too hard,

her head jerking back to reveal it isn't

you.

The summer breeze is an endless heatwave

in the bedroom.

My teeth carry pain as I bite

and lick

once soft necks,

with gentle, animalistic precision.

Marks left behind aren't just pleasure spots,

they're brands.

I was here.

You helped me stay afloat another time ago...

some time too far to recall.

Now I just drown out all my anger in pussy pools.

And all the screams and scratches

dont amount to the pain in losing you,

but I hope you remember me

cause Im slowly starting to forget you.

Later Days

18

I felt the same,
but everything had changed...
Under dim lights with music pounding in my ears,
surrounded by classmates and strangers from near and wide,
I felt the same.
My skull was a wreck,
far from level-headed and I was trying to
look straight, but my vision was blurry.

We had mixed dark and lights before heading out,
our intentions plain and formally sane for college kids:
lets forget this shit.
We are here now,
not looking ahead....
whats the point ya know?
So we tried to forget the oncoming hour(s) with a glass or 2 before heading out.
I had 5.

I felt the same,
but everything changed.
Clocks struck 12
and I wasnt the kid I wanted to be anymore.
Im ready for it.
Its a war and nirvana all in one.
I have friends and enemies coming at me on both sides and I cant say Im not prepared,
because it wouldnt matter if I was or wasnt.
Im 18 and I feel the same.
5'8,
165 pounds,
still mixed,
still me,
yet its not "me" I was ever worried about.
Im not the change I fear and love;
its everything else.
Its what I have to start doing now,
what I can't do anymore...
pshh, bring it.
I dont really have any regrets.
I dont live with those in a large capacity.

Under dim lights and near drunk thoughts,
I know I haven't truly arrived to where Im suppose to go...
Thats fine though.
At the end of the day,
your always on your way.
So Im 18 and its showtime.
Those thrills people consider taboo,
the thoughts that people wish they could do,
are always on me.
Cause I'll live them out with ease.

Im not really saying goodbye to anything with this new age
because there is way more hellos present.
_____________________________________________

I didnt really do anything today for my birthday
and Im content actually.
I just want to look out my dorm room window,
all the way up on the 9th floor,
and kiss a star.
I want to thank God that I never really had to wish on those stars,
for anything.
They served as reminders that Im not alone nor afraid of what the future holds.
I considered myself a different breed with the twinkles of the sky.
I want my God to know that I did take out the time
to look at them.
No rush,
no pacing.
Just look.
There are many worlds,
but they all share the same sky.
That one sky,
right out the window.
Im happy with being 18 and knowing this because
I know I can't be the only one.
Someone else is turning 18,
someone else is anxious to tomorrow's plans,
and someone else is out there looking right in the sky.
At a star,
at me.
Aren't we all just stars trying to shine?
No one understands me, but if you even got a little hang
at what Im trying to say...
then you get why I said its showtime.

Boom Boom Clap

Today was legit.
Im just waiting for my check from work-study so I can start saving for summer OC 2011 with my homeboys.
On a more annoying tidbit,
I dont know why this stuck in my head today, but this chick named Cherelle, who was attracted to me at school, gave me a memorable line that seems small to eavesdroppers, but so
so
much more to me.
I was in the girl's lobby waiting for my pal to come down from the dorm and a friend was at the door, trying to get in, but her card was out of her reach.
I knew this friend,
we kid around with each other and say playful jabs to each other with no ill-feelings to the words we spewed, cause we got vicious sometimes.
So I didn't open the door.
I let her do it herself.
Cherelle says, "Be a gentlemen and open the door. You so reckless and don't do nothing. "
By this time, she's already in the door, but I turned to Cherelle and said,
"She got it."
Then she turned and uttered this phrase, covered in broken glass and tar,
"Oh my gosh, you aint right. Goodbye", with a haughty turn and roll of eyes.
"You aint gotta come at me like that ma"..my reply

Goodbye? What the hell?
You fail to see the shining aspect of my personality that calms storms and inflicts wounds:
I dont care about your opinion nor you.
I know you probably reading this and thinking this wasnt big, but its one of those things that you have to be there to feel a way about it.
How can she dismiss someone who isnt in vying for her eyes or, to a less extent, even acknowledgement of her presence?
This chick comes around  me and crud,
says here hi's,
grabs her hug if she feeling bold,
and generally is trying to get me to chase her.
This brings me to the topic in my head for the day.

Females fail day after day when they group me with these hungry dogs of Norfolk state.
If I gotta be an animal to them,
please...
call me a wolf.
Solitary, refined, more aggressive,
yet eat only when I wanna.
I dont chase,
I rarely hunt,
and you want to tell me goodbye?
I wanted to ask her when did I EVER say
hello.

Let me tell you about what I see everyday:
Numerous niggas wearing brand name tags trying to catch her (speaking in a sense of the female population on campus) attention,
shitload of daps to more niggas who are brainwashed to the highest extent,
and my favorite part...
the attention fix.
I never seen soo many hugs given out on an Intervention episode.
They need a hug from every female they know.
Ok, I get it...
you known on campus dawg, cool.
How ya GPA though?
Im never gonna say Im the shit,
cause Im not....I honestly think im a piece of shit.
Modesty comes with its faults,
but still....
its degrading.
Females hawk all the time that they dont need a man.
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E
That old song, but it rings true.
So are guys the opposite?
Are we soo dependent on the attention of females that we faithfully
drug ourselves with their half-hearted (or whole) smiles and miniscule chit-chat before
embarking on to our next class?
Its the fix that I see on campus
and I cant tell nothing but the truth.
Theres a large divide between being friendly and being disillusioned.
I do admit,
Im bashing a side I dont know anything of.
I keep to my kin and myself.
Im not all over the place,
Im not popular,
Im uncanny in all its forms.
I never was able to conform to cliches and cliques, so
I guess all the ladies really do say goodbye to me...
even if they never knew me because
I didn't say hello.
Anti-social?
Perhaps...
but I got my anti-drug.

Dogs chase moving cars,
not realizing cars can kill them.

Later Days

The Cave of Good Times

I dont even remember this night at all.
Summer nights hold tales untold.

Later Days

Your the Only Hope for Me

Im always just reduced to a memory.
Faint melodies in your head, repeating a song you want to listen to
when no ones around.
Your not ashamed of me,
I hope.
Im not the usual and in today's bright lights
its easier to conform.
But you know I didnt
and neither did you
somewhere in your heart,
somewhere in your mind.
You remember me because
I was simple.
Simply bliss.
Awful chaos.
While everyone around us died and lost sight of
what they reminisce about now,
we still lived in it.
Now I live their memories alone.

I can bring out the part of you that society repressed.
We can grow old with the youth
I give to you, but never
ever
tired.
When did you get scared?
When were you afraid to take the moment?
Dancing in Wal-Marts,
eating food with no names,
and never beating the moon to sleep.

I dont belong here.
In your head.
I shouldn't be here if you remember me.
Norfolk-Arendstville-Baltimore
Towson High-Loyola Blakefield-St. Ignatius
Parties-Parks-Homes
I made stories and took you along for the ride
when you wanted to come.
I wasn't in your past if you met me in the present, but still...
when did you lose the thrill for life?
When all the lights went out,
we lit a fire somewhere and set out.
Now your sleeping before the moon crawls from its cave in the clouds
and Im awake.

I know people haven't lived like me,
yet principles still apply:
Dont ever be to eager to grow up.
Growing up means growing old.
Stretch all this out.
Im always reduced to a memory
because people always want to look back to the good "ole" days,
when they were the ones who made those times go away.
The times and me.

Good Day

3 hours of sleep,
Im operating on full blast
and feeling better than I have
before.
Breakfast...eaten
Homework...completed,
but thats not why im happy.

Its something inside my
soul, tearing apart weeks worth of dread.
Holding on for whatever its worth,
yet never knowing how priceless a sensation im having.
Maybe its rented,
maybe I own it,
doesnt matter,
its here now.


Later days

Tap Dancing on the Clouds

Yeah, im not really altogether tonight for this entry.
Im going to just crack out the most interesting part of my day:

This morning I walked in the cafeteria,
by myself and with work-out attire.
I sat down with my plate of grits and oatmeal,
surrounded by strangers... classmates, but strangers none the less.
Im sitting at the table, holding a glass of milk half full and this just wasnt a day.
I felt detached,
misplaced,
frankly unconnected to the world, reality, maybe even existence as I knew it.
I compared it to being in a bar, mid-day with troubles on your mind.
I held and dranked my glass of milk, secretly
(just secretly)
hoping it would turn into gin.
Im not a drunkard...the transformation and setting served as more than what it looks.

Im not at this point in my life yet.
I dont have it made or even
messy.
I look for escapes because I deserve them.
So my glass is my crystal ball
and I can look back in time briefly.
See where I turned wrong
Assess past mistakes
and with a faint hope of taking in the joys I once had down with my gulp.
Im holding onto false words and people's (and my own) mistakes
just trying,
trying so hard to take in what I cherish most.
So I sit and replay random memories...milk in hand
Im in a mental bar,
from which I crafted with boards of regrets.
Financed on heartbreaks
Occupied by people who change my view of humans.

I thought of this in 30 minutes,
plate in front of me.
It may seem weird, but this was the most interesting part of my day: The Mental Bar

Thats the one place we both know, a hole.

Weather is sunny, damn near hot.
I love it.
Heat completes me and if I could control the weather, it would be eternal summer. I really do believe weather affects our moods, so I try my best to stay warm. A warm Dominick, is a happy Dominick (ew, third person speech).
Aside from that, I really am considering to start a memoir...I can remember a lot of my past ranging all the way back to preschool and such. It would be cool to visit cherished and repressed moments from the dark orners of my mind. Funny part of it all is that Im still making new chapters (dont mean to get cliched with the metaphors).
Got a party tonight and Im ready to let loose before the throngs of midterm exams wrap me in stress, but its never really stressful, just experience.
These are the memories I want to keep, whether negative or positive.

On a completely different note, I think I need to expand this blogg. I didnt want this to get big at first, but I dont think I would mind followers and even comments at this time. I dont want to be a frantic pest who constantly updates his facebook status with a blog link, obviously yelling for attention. I just want gradual growth I suppose...Im not sure completely on this matter.

Lastly, I reluctantly await my birthday.
The government awaits another number to add to their rank of drones, but I wont let them get the best of me.
18 years...
this poison,
this cure,
and I dont even know how to do taxes! lol
Life is so constant it makes me laugh sometimes, but thats why you cant beat it I suppose.
I mean, how do you ever beat a question bigger than the answer?

Later Days.

Im A Bad Guy

So... I dont really know what it is with me and certain people.
Im a simple person.
Im about as complex as a rubix cube with all blue squares.
I think this blog is a cool thing. I dont voice my opinions and feelings in such an organized fashion as this. My feelings are mapped out in old songs I wrote and new poems I write when I feel like it. I like my blog because I can write whatever I want and its all relevant to me.

I can't honestly analyze all my interactions with the people I have come across in my whole life, but what I do know is I dont have automatic enemies.
Im friendly...I think, but really I know Im sarcastic and jab jokes at my friends because thats what I do. I love my friends because they accept (and sometimes even love) my weird, crazy, dum, clever, etc. ass.
I find it utterly ridiculous that people who arent on my good side or people who I dont even know exist try to frame me for worthless acts.
If you feel soo compelled to flaunt my blog out and create gossip with what you see on here, then w.e. do it. I like views nigga.
Because all this stuff you see here are facts, why would I lie on MY blog? Just remember, you cant infer with what you dont have. I put up facts so you wont have to guess. Furthermore to the lovely sluts at Garrison Forest who roam this page waiting for me to mess up, just know the focal point of this picture im painting:

This is my blog, I can write whatever the fuck I want.
Free speech is a b*tch

I'll be your detonator

The rain here sucks a lot. Ive never been in this many puddles in my life, but I guess college is where you experience new things. Aside from boring chit-chat about the weather, Im still out of place here...and I think Im actually content with it. In highschool, I basically had everything I wanted, whenever I wanted it. I worked from the bottom and had a great 2 year run before I left. Here...well, Im at the bottom again: the serious bottom. I guess I rather be unknown now than dread infamy, when it comes. Who knows, maybe it wont come here at all... majority of people here are stuck in a bubble of consciousness that manifests itself as arrogance, conceitedness, and borderline vanity to some extent. Im not trying to figure myself out, but I cant say the same for some of my freshmen peers. Its this space between insane and insecure that I cant understand with my views...but Im human. Im allowed to make mistakes. Im just happy Im having the courage to live because truthfully anyone can die.

Later Days