18

I felt the same,
but everything had changed...
Under dim lights with music pounding in my ears,
surrounded by classmates and strangers from near and wide,
I felt the same.
My skull was a wreck,
far from level-headed and I was trying to
look straight, but my vision was blurry.

We had mixed dark and lights before heading out,
our intentions plain and formally sane for college kids:
lets forget this shit.
We are here now,
not looking ahead....
whats the point ya know?
So we tried to forget the oncoming hour(s) with a glass or 2 before heading out.
I had 5.

I felt the same,
but everything changed.
Clocks struck 12
and I wasnt the kid I wanted to be anymore.
Im ready for it.
Its a war and nirvana all in one.
I have friends and enemies coming at me on both sides and I cant say Im not prepared,
because it wouldnt matter if I was or wasnt.
Im 18 and I feel the same.
5'8,
165 pounds,
still mixed,
still me,
yet its not "me" I was ever worried about.
Im not the change I fear and love;
its everything else.
Its what I have to start doing now,
what I can't do anymore...
pshh, bring it.
I dont really have any regrets.
I dont live with those in a large capacity.

Under dim lights and near drunk thoughts,
I know I haven't truly arrived to where Im suppose to go...
Thats fine though.
At the end of the day,
your always on your way.
So Im 18 and its showtime.
Those thrills people consider taboo,
the thoughts that people wish they could do,
are always on me.
Cause I'll live them out with ease.

Im not really saying goodbye to anything with this new age
because there is way more hellos present.
_____________________________________________

I didnt really do anything today for my birthday
and Im content actually.
I just want to look out my dorm room window,
all the way up on the 9th floor,
and kiss a star.
I want to thank God that I never really had to wish on those stars,
for anything.
They served as reminders that Im not alone nor afraid of what the future holds.
I considered myself a different breed with the twinkles of the sky.
I want my God to know that I did take out the time
to look at them.
No rush,
no pacing.
Just look.
There are many worlds,
but they all share the same sky.
That one sky,
right out the window.
Im happy with being 18 and knowing this because
I know I can't be the only one.
Someone else is turning 18,
someone else is anxious to tomorrow's plans,
and someone else is out there looking right in the sky.
At a star,
at me.
Aren't we all just stars trying to shine?
No one understands me, but if you even got a little hang
at what Im trying to say...
then you get why I said its showtime.