"You are starting to become more predictable"

I dont know what to do.
I know why I do what I do.
I get why I am who I am,
but whats my problem?
I have a problem keeping people close.
I can openly admit that the person who wants (or wanted) me I deny most
and what I want I cant have.
Its fucked up,
but whats worst is the fact that I know whats going on.
I have my reasons for not going with what wants me.
Its all in my heart, yet Im just tired of not getting who "I" want.
Aside from that emo crud,
I guess Im starting to become more predictable, so says someone.
Case point right there.
Am I losing myself or am I already lost?
I regret soo much, its crazy.
Well, in regards to females.
I could've been happy... a longgg time ago,
but I think it would've been too early for it.
Yes.
I think it would've been selfish to be happy with someone early in life.
You dont learn lessons, heartache, and a crud more if your happy early on.
I know Im wrong and right, but it just seemed like I would be living a naive life.
I just dont know anymore.
Its getting about that time in life where you settle and I burned all my bridges in some way...
if it wasnt the four loko can that summer night then it was just my antics.
Where is the silver lining in this storm?

Later days