It's New Years Eve, Get Wasted!

“The key to a good life: Excess in Moderation. They'll tell you that moderation is the key to life but that's bullshit. Excess in moderation. Don't drink a few beers everyday after work. Wait 'til the end of the month and drink all the beers at once. Get completely soused. Don't get a $20 crackwhore on a whim. Save up and then get the $1,500 Heidi Fleiss high class call girl on new years eve and wake up with a damn good story. Don't eat the stem of the mushroom and see a few colors. Eat the whole bag and see god. Just don't do it everyday. If you practice in moderation you'll never get the full effect. And don't ever learn from other peoples mistakes. That's the worst advice you could get. Cause other people might have fucked it up, and you could be the one guy who can do it right, and be a hero for all of us. And finally, fuck someone uglier than you. Every now and then. Even if they don't deserve it, because that makes people happy. It stays with you for a lifetime.”

Doug Stanhope

Tonight, be excessive. Be brave.
Daring Crazy Alive Free
higH drunK

Be younger than what you are.

Later Days 

The Ship Of Theseus

Oh God, I've suddenly become so disenchanted with this infant love.

I know I have a subtle problem of letting people go, so that could come in handy for you, or be harmful to me.
Nothing to live for...biggest heartbreak..all these things scatter across my mind when I think of you leaving, but it's just the dramatics in me.

10 years ago, I was 10. I had so much more Sun in me than now.
5 years ago, I was 15. I had too much lust in me.
3 years ago, I was 17. I have the same amount of adventure in me that I do today.
2 years ago, I was 18, falling in and out of belief.

Now, it's restless nights becoming restless years.

Who I was even a month ago, is not the same Dominick of today and it's really tragic because it's normal. Not just for me either, for anybody, and I can say that's a fact.

If I took off all my tattoos and replaced them with different memories, am I still the same the fuck up?

(Side note, I think that it's really crazy that I actually talk like this, when I choose to actually speak)

It's the Ship of Theseus in our lives. The everything is a-changing!

Later Days

Saeglopur

That is a word.
I had to google it myself, but I learned that word in 2008
from a video game.
The game used a song, "Saeglopur", in its trailer and I
decided to just listen to the full song for sport.

It's about 7 minutes long.
It speaks to me when I'm driving around or walking by myself.

A lost individual, I claim myself to be (to some degree).

When you can go anywhere, what stops you from walking that narrow path?

Love I suppose.
Friendship?

Sometimes I speak with iced water swirling in my verbs
and
act with electricity in my blood.

My life draws interest from some, yet

Even so, everyone can't go.
I can't take everyone with me.

Luckily enough for me, I don't need everyone.

Out of the sea and into a home, I share a world with many people.
I'm only concerned with a few though.

When he asks me if we going to make it
I say "Of course"
When she asks me if I'll stay forever
I reply "Always"

Later Days

Hold On

How many times do I have to leave until you do?

I want you to hold on
Longer than I ever could

Breaking my back to think of a future without you in it
Although I'll still just go out tonight
To a bar or a friends

You don't know to care
It's not with you

But what if I told you a secret?
What if I gave you the upper hand by
Telling you my nightlife truth?

How Im surrounded by everyone on everything
Feeling more alone than that next morning
After leaving you

Everything that I need, I need from you

I wish I wasn't so good with my words,
Then perhaps you'd believe everything I said to be true

Later Days
 

Fall Break

I'm thankful enough to know that you're still around

Spit flies from our cursed words whenever we gather
Like I imagined it would
On the bus ride home

Better sons bring better suns

But I couldn't be that

When your problems become so big
They become my own
As your world comes crashing through my clouds 
 
With all these things I've done
Never outweighed by what I've said
And I can only guess as to what
You think I really mean

Later Days

Turning 20 Soon

The ride is still going on
People said no
Sometimes I listened
Most times I didn't
Now it's another year
Growing more scared

I sold my life away for money
And all I do is party up in Philly
I think I've started falling in loving with the idea of my own
Death-wish

But it started off as a way to put myself through college
A bullet can end that dream too

I'm ready to go back home

I've done some great things
Yet when I'm finished talking to my mum
I say "I love you"
And just hear the dial-tone
Maybe she's not proud of what I'm trying to do
Makes me wonder if she has ever approved

I want a kid later on in life
To be a father, even though everyone will be watching
Because they know I never had my own
So they're waiting for me to mess up
Just to say "I knew he would all along."

They are them
They are me

I think about the bullshit
All my loves, no matter how right
Ended up in caskets

Except one, but
Who knows?
I dont have much luck

My dick gets me into so much trouble
While my head can't decide if it's worth
Saving my soul
Putting all my aggression on a
Bench press
Won't bring grandma back

I've been moving around for so long
And all I can do is write sad poems

Later Days

$10 for a 2 Liter

Every since I was a child
I wanted to believe that I was descended from a god
Animals raised me and there was an uncanny ability in my soul
I'm special, like Peter Parker after the incident
Handcrafted trinkets
Supernovas
I'd like to think my blood can cure any disease
That there's more out there for me

But I know I'm just a guy who never knew his father
And I have trouble learning things I should've already been taught
Humbling myself constantly, yet
Not really understanding what I'm trying to not brag about

Maybe Im fucked up
Or maybe I lucked out

I'd love to believe I've let them go
All of those old flames

Sadly, I can't say I really have
I even asked

People in my heart,
yet not in my life have weighed me down for so long
So long that the one who cares the most feels worthless while
I tend to my own self-inflicted wounds

I want to do better without even trying
That didn't work, so now Im really trying because
Nobody is gonna do like I for you 
 
That world is real
__________________________________________________

I've been drinking syrup for two days straight

It feels like purple slime oozing down my chest
In my chair, making me feel heavy and making me think odd thoughts
I read once that there is only 4 people in the world

Those who like you for the right reason
and
Those who like you for the wrong reason

Then

There's those who don't like you for the wrong reason
and
Those who don't like you for the right reason

I only care about the last

Later Days

Barlights

Enter.
A Saturday night.

Everybody's lips are moving
and I haven't even started.

She's learning to walk in heels,
she's looking for someone to validate her beauty,
and him?
Well, he's just loose.

There's two bars in this double-decker building,
fleshed out with low, festive lights illuminating the
wooden floors, wooden walls, paper hearts...

I order 2 Irish trash cans
They come out blue

It's my favorite color, but c'mon...blue?

And tonight I'm trying to not try
All the gin in the world can't make me dry
And I think about all the wrongs I've caused people
Then I'm thinking,
I didn't care before,
And I dont really now

We're downing filled plastic cups
Like frat pledges going to binge
Me? I want more class
But regretfully, I can't even fake being in that tax bracket

Her? I know her
But only speak to her when I'm not sober

The barlights are blinking in tune

And tonight I'm all involved
All the gin in the world won't let me answer her call
Kinda wish I knew who I was
But then again,
That's only some nights

Head up, looking around with empty eyes
Around a room full of kids, growing up too soon
We can't take everyone with us
But still try to

I'm alive

My cheeks are hotter than the Everclear going down
She touches my shoulder like we're alone
But I can't take her with me either
It's all a lie milked by the moon in the sky

So we dance

Them damn barlights are shutting me down

And tonight, for a second, I thought about my family
My ex and her child
Justin, Julius... even her
They died.
Fate gave them more and they died,
But not me

I feel alive

I wish I knew who I was,
But then again,
That's not tonight

Later Days

Second Chances

I forgot who I was for the longest time.

Monday, I realized that I actually like being angry
and use that emotion as energy.
It's an odd relationship, but it's been useful in hindsight.

But there's something more
Something bigger

I dont know when it started
I've been pitying myself or something for a very long time
and I have no idea why.

Been tired a lot,
among other not-Dominick stuff.

Ok, I cant front, I dont feel like getting in depth with this thought..
I just used this post to remember when I stopped caring and started REALLY living again.

Glasses off, Cape on

Later Days

I'm going to want this day again in about 3 weeks

So, Im sitting here eating 12 mini tacos from the nearby Norfolk 7-11,
and its not coming to me.
I cant dig into the blank hole of my head to discuss any current drama that I'm going through.

It has already either been discussed or has yet to unfold.

So, I guess you didn't find what you were looking for, but fuck you.
I enjoy the peace.

I'm literally sitting here eating M&M cookies, tacos, watching cartoons, and not giving a care to anything.
This is everyone's dream.

I'm even playing some dramatic music to get my ass in the mood to write about sad/annoying/w.e. shit and nothings brewing.

I think you (whoever you are) should just take the L for tonight and be pleased with the fact that Dominick is perfectly fine, for a change.

I am.

Later Days

"I Hate Yu"

I dont need many friends, but I wanted you.

Go here to there
and all the faces change no matter where I am
except about maybe 3.
Number 4
decided to foul out
and I know what I was on.

Blue top and jean shorts.
My favorite colors.
A head full of lies,
I let it slide.

We had dinner recently and I ordered
the burger, as usual.
She ordered something that she didn't
finish.

That's familiar.

She had enough when we drove apart
I didn't have enough
and it showed.
She was tired.
Not I.

Next Sun
I sent a text
No reply

Couple Moons flew by and I sent another
Then I just said "I hate yu".

No reply

Later Days

Dawn & Dominick

And I love you. That dark brown hair, like cocoa beans in Summer's hands. We talk everyday about mozzarella sticks and our future living room. Random things. It's been forever since we've kissed. Couple of weeks. You make me smile. Blue. You make me angry. Day trips. You make me regret. And I love you for making me forget. What am I suppose to be? Different homes. Lavish styles against my modest jeans. We're real. But I live extra lives.

And I love you too. Your hair color changes. Varied lipstick colors. Or maybe it's just lip gloss. Who knows. Sometimes you're really far. Sometimes not so much. Our conversations aren't as clear. Muddy tongues spewing grime. Take what I give. Get what I'm getting. I can't love you forever. Unnatural. You make it seem like it can go on for eternity. Sushi in the Elantra. Yogurt on your kitchen counter. Admire all the wrong things. I have to get my hat from the roommate's shelf. Dinner at Outback. You are all these objects. You'll die before me. Taking her with you.

Later Days

Battle Cry

The battle cry for spoiled youth.

"We're young. We're supposed to drink too much. We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out. We are designed to party. This is it. Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about breaking eggs! And by eggs, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As. If you could just see yourselves! It breaks my heart. You're wearing cardigans! We had it all. We fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful! We're screw-ups. I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her... or anyone else take that away from me!"

Later Days

Miles Away

Im settled back down in the place where it all started,
and it's funny how the past repeats.

There's a push in my head that tells me that I've made things more difficult for her and I to live on.

Hope it doesnt die, otherwise I might inside.

Later Days

What's Good, Im Back

“When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

 Later Days

 

Outtie

One of my favorite poems. Enjoy.


Forgotten Memories

Thinking of you, wherever you are,

We pray for our sorrows to end,
and hope that our hearts will blend.
Now I will step forward to realize this wish.

And who knows:
starting a new journey may not be so hard
or maybe it has already begun.

There are many worlds,
but they share the same sky-
one sky, one destiny.


Till then, Later Days

Radio Waves ( A Weird Post)

    Is it just me or does it feel like American society is moving more towards an entertainment future? I may just be naïve to the groundbreaking discoveries made everyday in my nation, but I gotta say that I don’t see a lot of people moving us forward. While rappers, singers, actors, and actresses create (and I use the term loosely) where are the people who are finding cures for diseases or uncovering secrets about the human body to advance us forward? My friends and associates in college show no interest in careers that move the human race ahead, they just want a job to pay for their various expenses.
    When I was in 6th or 7th grade, I became interested in gene-splicing when my art teacher told me about how her friend was studying the field. While I admit I did have a less than elementary understanding  of the topic, it still floats around in my head from time to time. Just imagine it, if we could splice human DNA with animal DNA…and no, I will not make a nod to the creation of werewolves, vampires, and other such creatures, but I always thought that would be really cool. We would be improving some things about the human body, but probably also affecting some changes for the worst. 
    Just last year, I also started doing a little bit of reading on biotechnology (ok, I read on Wikipedia) because my school studies entered the realm of human physiology. I thought about what a human could do if they tweaked there caloric energy consumption in their hypothalamus from…I guess, 85% down to 7%. All that extra energy would be crazy! But I stopped let my mind wonder and just let it fade to black.
    Viruses are mutating, the climate is permanently changing, and I hate to say that even I now have no interest in learning how to combat these growing changes in life. When everything is done and out of hand, we as a society will just have to learn to deal with whatever comes, and that’s a scary thought because you never know what’s coming for ya.

Later Days

Forever And Then Some

I believe this is the earliest I've ever written a post.
Too bad I dont have anything original in my head, so I'll just leave something pre-ordered..
From my creative writing class, last semester...
 _________________________________________
                                Single

Jill, Sydney, Liz, Nikki, does it matter?
My kiss changes all cold beds into a hot mess
I tell them not to fear this room full of shade
All wonderful things happen here
A hot mess to a ladder
Until the climax
Then we’re done
She doesn’t feel anything
Except the rush
So I go home
Alone

And it’s Chanel, Lisah, Iesha, and Kim too
Original sin
In that red abyss dress
When her lustful wink catches
My body’s squandered
A mere vessel containing echoes
Voices of lost midnights and too many drinks
They don’t know how many times
Looking for just one
I lost count




Later Days

Home

In case I don't get around to it, I might as well say it now before it's too late.

From May 29th until like August 10th, I wont be making any posts.
I'm taking a short sabbatical to do some things like:

• get my shit together
• exercise (more than I already do)
• prepare for school in VA next semester
• meet new people
• hate new people
• listen to no music
• attempt to find my place in the world

So yes, basically I'm going to go do some weird shit.
I may write short entries in my book and then move them over to this format, but probably not.

Forget me not, for absence makes the heart grow fonder for what is gone...
Unless you don't like me already, then you can do whatever you feel like.

Later Days

Smooch

I had this funny thought earlier today.

Kisses are funny things.
You go in not knowing what to expect...some people kiss sloppy, others slow, fast, whatever.
Then there's lip size differences (and my God has blessed me with some big ole smuckers),
intensity, tongue involvement, just a whole bunch of factors.
I'm not too technical when I get to kissin, but it's just a funny afterthought of it.

You kiss someone and it means something.
It doesnt have to, but most of the time it does.
You kiss this person and everything has to line up in your brain;
It has to line up, because no one searches for a bad kiss.
You want those pair of lips to make you come alive.
You're giving it your all, so why dont they righ'?

One becomes many and then soon enough, you're making out,
yet with that act, you must want to do it again...and again... and, (you guessed it!) again.
When you lay one on another person, isn't it just a tease of a possible future?



Probably doesnt make sense, but I did say It was a funny thought.



You're still persecuting me aren't you?

Later Days

2 Miles

I reside in a world of "what the hells" and "I got nothing to lose",
so if my decisions seem apathetic,
it's not new news.

For once, I dont know what to say or what to write.
Growing old is getting old and I just wanna get outta here.
Get the 2 months away over with.

I'm fading in the dark regarding Baltimore, Maryland.
I expect to be back, but not more than a week at a time.
Everything I want is everywhere else.

And by the way,
it's Friday, go get drunk.

Later Days

Always Time

Im convinced that all the sorry's I say to people I've wronged wont matter in about a week.
Still, but still,
there's always time as long as it's not my last 23:59.

Still around for a couple more weeks and then I will be taking my leave for a couple of months.
We still got time until then.

As you can see from my disconnected text, I'm lost tonight.
"Lift me up"

I dont know either, but still
there's time to find out.

Later Days

"Au Revoir Kid, Stay Classy"

 The last words I'll ever say to Benee.

I just sat through a 20 minute diatribe of how I'm a piece of shit and how she was right all along

She smiled with me while we were out on the Philly town
Only choosing to defile everything I am when we're apart

A girl who never learned to lose
A girl who finds no fault in her own actions
A girl who doesn't think her shit stinks like everyone else'

It's ok to carry yourself as the perfect human being
Just don't believe it
 
I never been to California, but if everyone out there acts like her
I dont want to go

Au revoir mate, for what you couldn't have another does
Au revoir kid, keep your temper to yourself

I didn't know how to say goodbye forever in French, so I had to settle for au revoir

Later Days

Some Nights

We all have nights
Shit just gets coupled together by the time your 17 and free,
But then there's "some nights"

And it got me to thinking about how everything will turn out

The universe will work itself out, whether we nudge against the tide or not

I don't believe in help
We're not prepared for life
I don't think the world will get out of debt
Politicians and people in positions of great money and power will forever be greedy
The world can change,
But it won't

I drove past a graveyard earlier today and it wasn't encouraging at all

For all the things we horde on our own time and complain about
That's where we're all headed
And we can't take all that shit with us

Later Days

A Walk From U-Hall

When you picked up dandelions and made a wish before blowing the seeds across the wide, blue sky.
That time in your life when you didn't know it was a weed...
It was just a flower that gave you one chance to ask for anything in the world.

Magic 

That's it.
Later Days

Been There A 1,000 Times

Teacher’s Code

We can rent your dreams
And steal your hope
Feed the hungry on doubt
With no scruples imposed
Never shed a tear or feel their woe
I’m the driving force behind
I’m the driving force behind
The cutthroats.

Send a letter to kids
Asking for their fears
Pay the rebels because
They keep us living
Six days a week
I only sleep on Sundays
And I’m never wrong.

Cause I’m not after the pro
And if I get their vote
Then the jobs all done.

 _____________________
Later Days

Tuesday Night Drive from Town Centre

Later Days

Apartment

I thought it didn't bother me, but I was wrong.
___________________________________

Anyways,
By the time anyone reads this I'll already be gone
Carried away to wherever I need to be that hour
Dominick and his destinations
Everyday
Fortune doesn't have her hand out, so I have to go seek it on my own time
Going places I don't care to travel
Hating the fact that I realized life too soon

It's so much hope to carry with me
Just as much dread to remember
"Keep pushing... head up and head on"

Lunar skies and careless minds
My possible moira
Nightlife and all the things I take from it, ha
Obviously I'm getting old
Pitchers filled with liquids my liver can't digest easily
Queasy mornings
Really, between you and me....
Some nights I just want to hide from my eager friends
The things they want to do, feel like things I've already done

Unless it's the bathroom or
Vacant lots made for one
When it comes to being out in this world, I don't want to be alone

Xanax may be my next best friend
You know how some things go
Zen or Xanax, whichever one comes first

Later Days

Monsters and The Rock Bottom

Slithering beneath the fearful skin I claim
Years old, yet eons starved

I wasn't born with these teeth
No one trained my eyes to catch sly sights
Muscle tenses in maiden's necks
No one taught me to see these things

No one but I

Secretly,
I want my heart to break and let loose the reign of what I used to be....
I think.

My mind's worth pleas not to let it go
But fiends call
To let sleep of the sword touch what I am now
And allow what was to live

Beasts in t-shirts and jeans
Plenty of sheep to be reaped
Oh why?

 Later Days

 

Be Calm

Those times, I wish I had taken an extra breath before understanding how deep things were.

Like when I ran away from home in the middle of the night
Or the day I realized I was going to die

In class, we talk about how drugs destroy and how stress can be good, but we don't speak about the lies made true by one's determination and how much of a waste it is to recycle

No one has listened to me lately.
Lately....

I think I'm fucking mad.

People don't impress me and everyone seems so uniform and un-spontaneous.
No one say's anything new.
And when it gets really shaky, I start to ask who I am and what do I stand for.
I don't believe anyone really asks themselves that question.

I'm going to hit a bong this weekend and live in a suspended lie for a couple of hours.

Later Days

  

Last Night In Overview

"But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me

Cause we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we’re miles away
So we’ll come
We will find our way home"

Later Days

The World That Never Was

Between two people, there's a world.
Duh, that's basic.
I got back to relaxing again at home and started thinking about what didn't come to fruition between me and some people.
The real core of my thoughts should've been "why do I care?", but I still got lost in my head nonetheless.

Somethings exploded, imploded, grew too hot to handle, too cold to bother with, and some just never got the chance to be.
In the past, I used to trip off of the amount of people I tried to bring along for the ride, yet now I feel like I'm going to revert back to the old ways.
I used to be all about social circles, wide ones, ranging from different sectors wherever I went.

However, things changed.

I enjoy the solitude as much as the party, but one side is starting to outweigh the other and I've taken notice.
Time and time again, it's a flip.
Well, carpe noctem, I'm outta here.

Later Days

My Body

Something everyday I tell ya what...
I thought that maybe we were doing something wrong...
Maybe we were wrong.

It felt like we were flowers meant to blossom, but it never happened...
And the Sun had become disgusted by our truancy to follow nature.

Then I picked my head up last night to her soft cries.

We did blossom and nothing was wrong at all.
My body was already a vessel holding a legion of echoes calling out past mistakes;
now more than over, I felt the sting from all those foreign lips.
I hated myself more than I've ever.

Her eyes bled heat, becoming less puffy as I finally regained my composure.
"This was suppose to happen"...now I know.
It isn't me rationalizing an unusually situation,
I feel you only rationalize if you are the wrong-doer.

We got this, as usual.
And for my body? Well, it still wont quit,
not on you, not on me, not on us, and certainly,
not on life.

Later Days

Not My World (Yips)

Hey, I've been absent for some time, so I figure I might as well just rocket into the topic.

2 weekends ago, I went to Philadelphia to hang out with my brother (Gary) and his friends.
It was the usual scene of course:
The dorm
Good food
A lot of drinks
Invited females

It was something I was used to, so I didn't feel a stranger to anything,
yet I acted in the opposite manner.
Now please understand, I wasn't looking for any female to take or anything like that, no...
I, as other males, like to know that we still have "it".

It.
It goes by many names.
Mojo.
Game.
The thing that gets women to interact with us and the thing that keeps them with us.

So that night, I decided to hunt.
My prey was a full blooded, thick thigh-ed, phat ass, Brazilian named Mimi.
She had horrible breath, but 
I was on it nonetheless.

We chit chatted a little during the Superbowl, along with my other friends watching the game.
Everything was kind of smooth, but I hit a snag somewhere. I cant tell you where or what, but I just wasn't conversing as smoothly as before.

As the night progressed, I just lost it in comparison to my other pack members.
She left the dorm and I knew that was it.
I spoke to Gary about my dilemma, but he only attributed my problem to Chanel (the first lady).
I figured that maybe I had the yips and it was just a temporary slip up,
plus her breath was really bad. I found myself planning to ask her if she wanted to take a trip to 7-11 under the guise for more chips, but buying gum and stuffing the whole damn pack in her mouth.
Really, it was like she wiped her ass with the taste buds on her tongue and gargled dirty kitty litter with chitterlings juice.
The rest of the weekend was ok, except that we didnt really do anything!
We looked for activities, but everyone they knew was either out of town or at the club, which I dont fancy to attend anymore due to a different altercation, so Saturday night was kind of a bust (S.N. Friday was fun as hell though, had a cool time).

The night waned and Gary had homework to do, so he began to do it.
I was left alone, taking the idle time to think about what was happening.
The yips could've been a very definite reason for my verbal slip-up's and utter lack of charm I've crafted through these years, but I didn't feel that was it.

I reviewed the whole weekend and took account of the things that happened:

Friday night, Gary banged some chick.
Sunday night, Jake banged some chick.
Friday and Saturday I was busy being irritated by something the first lady did, but we got cool around Sunday and we texted.

I thought about what Gary said as well.
Did Chanel take "it" out of me?
Was I really done in the field?
Well,
yes and no.

I looked at Gary and Jake's world through a scope and evaluated their individual problems and advantages.

Jake is a short story.
Jake fucks and keeps it moving to the next.
There is someone Gary and I speculate to have taken a loose, but eternal hold of Jake's heart.
On the outside looking in though, it looks like he wont let himself obtain that happiness and in that flaw, I see an older version of myself in him.
In my past, I had numerous times to be happy with someone.
I had girls who wanted to be with me and I would've loved to go with them as well, but I didn't.
It wasn't solely a thing of giving up the single life to be with them, it was just an odd, compulsive obsession of always trying to find one better, even if they were the best.
I wanted to run.
I wanted to run through as many females as possible until one presented herself as another Styrofoam barrier for me to blaze right through, but in actuality, was a titanium wall for me to scale.
( I know my imagery is off here and there in combination with the words, but give me this post to fuck-up)
I feel this is where he is.
He's just running with no true aim. I've done that. I'm past that.
If I just wanna fuck, that's my aim.
If I wanna go with you, when I figure that out, I'll make it known in time,
but just fucking for an answer?
From personal experience, I can say doing that is like racing every car on the highway..no matter how many cars you get in front of, no one's gonna win because of what's ahead.

Gary is a simpler story.
He'll settle down, that's no problem for him either.
The only thing that gets him is finding that one to settle down with.
It's the age old story that everyone goes through at some point in their life:
Wanting to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you.
And when you're in the wide, twisted environment of college, finding one in thousands isn't an easy task.
My brother is a great guy, but bitches dont see that. They want to play the field, and they are entitled to do such, yet when we get caught up in the same rush, we forget what the goal was while we fuck with these side missions.
In his on again, off again problem, I see a figment of my past as well.

That's their world. A weekend of different bitches.
2 nights to drink anything anyone bought.
Times to try. Times to succeed. Time to fail.
I'm not in that anymore now.

My world is traveling to different fucking states, improving my credit, packing my bags, and getting money both ways. My world includes a lady who I carry with me wherever I go and a phone full of nobodies that don't even know if I'm still alive.
(Not everybody, love ya Shaun!)

It's hard to leave something behind that I use to rule. Forreal.
I miss it here and there, but I am totally infatuated with where I am right now.
Im moving and because of that, my language and thoughts can't process things that my brain consider lower than where I am at this moment.
Brazilian bad breath bitches.....low
Hotel beds for the night and working for more than I have ever earned in my life thus far...high
Roaming city streets at 3 am, hating the cold weather....low
Roaming city streets at 3 am with my gang or lady, hating the cold weather....high

I left a school of thought and ended up in another one.
Is it better or worst, I ask at moments...
Can't say until I leave.

Later Days

The Reserves

Life for me is just moon and brew.

Later Days

You Made A Mistake, You Aren't The Mistake

I dont feel like coming up with anything original because I'm about to leave, but you can take a look at a small story from my big life. Enjoy!


    In Henry Louis Gate Jr’s passage, “What’s in a Name”, Henry’s father chose not to speak out against the ignorance of Mr. Wilson’s choice to call him George. It took a lot of maturity and dignity for Henry’s father not to call Mr. Wilson out for his racist comment and to turn the other cheek during his time. I have also been in a similar situation that caused me to withhold my true feelings from being voiced during a time of conflict.
    In 10th grade, I attended a prestigious private high school in Towson, Maryland called Loyola Blakefield. From my navy blue blazer, to my collared shirt with a quirky tie, anyone could tell that I was an ambitious sophomore with decent grades, but I did have a familiar seat in the disciplinary office and a track record steadily growing. My hardest subject during that time was Chemistry. I didn’t understand science and formulas, but the real reason I didn’t comprehend the subject was because of my devious teacher, Ms. Okieffe. She was a dark skinned, average height Trinidadian woman who despised me for some unknown reason. One particular day, I was packing up my books, getting ready to leave class and my friend David entered. He came in to sit in his seat for the next class and started up some small chit-chat with me. Barely 15 seconds in, Ms. Okieffe busted into our conversation and said “David, don’t talk to him. His failing habits may rub off on you.”  As you know, I definitely took offense to this and with my loose cannon nature, I said back, “What did you say!?”, instantly losing my temper in a quick moment. She responded, “What? You not going to talk to me like that! Who do you think you are?! I am the teacher, you are the student…a failing student at that! You must be on crack or something to come at me like that.” As David watches this scene unfold, my brain automatically came up with an unlimited amount of degrading comments to retort back at her ranging from her water sack neck, her obese weight, and even to her receding hairline, but I didn’t say anything back. I knew I wasn’t in good standings with the school officials to lose this battle with my words, so I said nothing back and just exited the classroom. I spoke with my advisor about the incident and he told me that I did the right thing to just leave and not say anything. He switched my Chemistry class because she had kicked me out of her classroom roster after the event and put me in another Chemistry class that had my best friends in it. She was reprimanded for her actions and I ended up passing Chemistry with a B-.
    Recounting my own story of a time when I restrained myself from voicing my opinion, I see that sometimes the best way to express how you feel about something is to not say anything at all.
___
Later Days

I had to be there's, so I could be yours

If I never hated NSU, I wouldn't have come to UMBC.
If I wasn't wary of new people, I wouldn't have met my good friends.
If I never met Matt, I wouldnt have known about the workforce.
If I didn't know about workforce, I wouldn't have the job that allows me to pay for bus tickets to see you.
If I never dated Amellia, I wouldn't have had the sex and stress to hold me through while I started a new school.
If it wasnt for the stress, the sex wouldn't seem less.
If I didnt hate UMBC's social scene, I wouldn't have a burning desire to party hard at every turn I could.
If I didnt break up with Amellia near the end of the school semester, I wouldn't be single...probably.
If I wasn't single, I would've been with her.
If I stayed home with her, I wouldnt have drove all the way to DC for a party and pussy.
If I didn't go to DC, I wouldn't have gotten drunk.
If I didnt get drunk in DC, I would'nt have told Indigo how I felt about her.
If I didn't tell Indigo how I felt, she wouldn't have given me a chance.
If she never gave me a chance, Gary would feel like the trip was a waste and wouldn't want to go to Dominique's party.
If I didn't go to Dominique's, I wouldn't have met you.

Here's to you kyd.

Later Days (Anice)

Sky Zoo

Flat.
That's what it is right now.

Haven't raged in weeks...

Forgot what alcohol tastes like...

It aint right.....

Guess that's life.
Im headed to a zoo in the sky
where I dont know what I'll see locked away.
Something I've evolved from, maybe something I'll devolve in to.
Textbook things that I never thought I'd have the chance to become.
We all have one. We all have been through many.

Above my head, so perhaps above my reasoning.

A higher level of thought we are lead to;
I'm not getting smarter though,
just more observant of what is to come.

_________________________________________

I see it as a zoo, but I really should call it a jungle.

You know how you look at something and feel like it's a part of you?
Clothes, pets, people, TV; even though you may not have been here before it,
still feels like it's yours or at least fits you?
A selfish view?
Ha, I could see your point if that's what you're getting at.

I jumped around a bit.
I wont issue apologies though, it is what it is.

Later Days

Pictures

Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. Were we part of someone's life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it...

Later Days

Limbo feels a lot like falling without the crash

It's Saturday! And i just finished cleaning my room -__-
Mum never asks me to do it, but it gets done anyway.
Yesterday I worked a long shift at work and as the day progressed, I noticed that the weather wasn't what I expected at all.

I could dare say that it pumped with me memories of a Summer past.

That isn't the point though.
Yesterday felt a lot like what I would interpret Limbo to feel.
That inexplicable gut instinct that something isn't going to be right in the future...
It's a domain or state of anxiety, but even with its looming presence, you are calm to what's going on at the moment.
It moves you to curiosity, yet paralyzes the drive to actually go out and uncover the mystery until it's too late.

Now, I know you're probably thinking "this nigga has gone off the edge", but hear me out real quick.

Limbo is referred to as the edge of hell.
Purgatory is the complete opposite.

Limbo, in my own head, can be seen as a pessimistic outlook during whatever stable moment you are living in life. For example, if I'm just walking around a park thinking about whatever, in the back of my mind I feel like something bad is going to happen, I'm just waiting to see what it is.
Purgatory is the optimistic aspect.

That's it really.
I know it's bad to think negatively, as it may even invite omens to appear in one's life, but I was kind of right... Something happened later on that night and it wasn't of my own doing, but it does greatly affect me.
Sucks.
Whatever.
(Cue genuine laughter)
I am good about the whole situation though.

Guess I'm a new resident of Purgatory now, but Limbo is always welcoming to us.


Later Days