Carthasis is my Likert Scale

Anything can change.
Fuck Science, Physics, and all those other subjects I didn't study because they were hard

Nothing is concrete
And with that belief hardwired into my DNA
I firmly go forth in this life with the belief, idea, and spirit that
Anything goes
Up is down, down is diagonal, and I am not the same person I was when I was
17, 21 or even
last week

This is a sadness I chose
Some people don't think things/people can change and that is the flaw in my belief
When it clashes with another
That is a scenario/sadness that I have to live with
Everything has a weakness, so this is my own
And with that declaration, I have to stop pulling punches with myself
Especially on here, this open, blank space that I can fill up with text, images, whatever I want
I haven't lied one bit, but I have held back

I am sad because The Girl that I want doesn't want to be with me anymore
There's other shit I can add in, but what's the point? That's the root
The root is fact
I've heard so much shit from everyone and it's all conflicting at this point
"I don't think she was the one for you anyway"
"Get over her, go fuck something"
"Give her time to think, she may come back"
"Wow, really Dominick? You messed up"

Large part of me wants to keep fighting
Equally large part doesn't want to fight because then it will definitely piss her off

I am screwed up, sensitive, energetic, and so fucking hopeful it kills me
Regardless of what I want to do and what I don't, I only see what is
I'm getting everything I deserve
And she? Well, she is... I don't know
Having a good time, recovering, thinking about the future
Being happy? I can't say
Whatever it is, it's better than what she was when we were together

I'm not sure I would step into the time machine
Ya know, when you with someone and you say "I just want you to be happy, no matter what"
I wouldn't change what I said
She'll be happy
She's going to be happy without me
Do I want that? Yeah, overall

I haven't been running away
I've been numbing myself to that "overall" part
Cause overall isn't 100%, which I don't like
It's selfish and in part, the piece from which my hope keeps materializing
But the "yeah" part is worth it and weighs more, it symbolizes her ultimate happiness in the end
The main goal from the moment I met her, not literally the first time
I mean the "first time"
That moment akin to when you realize someone is your best friend
When you hanging out or in some trouble or anything and it clicks in your head
"Yo, I want the best for this nigga. They hold me down"

I have no problem beating myself up or discarding my pride usually until The Girl
As I write this out, everything is coming together and as you, the reader, I want you to respect this
Nothing's premeditated at this exact moment I'm writing this but
I'm not the best for her. Never would I have thought I'd say that about myself...
It's so easier to point from an objective view, if you don't care
And as I said earlier, everything is clicking as I'm typing
Probably been writing this post for the past 30 minutes, jumping from block to block, out of order and
It's 4:37pm over here
I may not have ever truly cared for her more than I have right now

I am not the best boyfriend/husband/soul mate/partner for The Girl ...
fuck it,
for Chanel.
I'm saying this to myself first and whoever you are second.
People stay bitter and angry in these situations when they think the person left them to obtain better,
Always thinking of themselves as that better.
Well, I know what I was gonna do if I got my second chance, but I didn't and she can only base who
I was off what I had done and she came to the conclusion that I wasn't the best for her.
I can't totally obliterate the part of me that says I was, but I can acknowledge right now that maybe I'm not good at all for her.
Should've known that was the case when my heart would drop and I'd hold my breath at the sight
Of whatever new picture she posted of herself on Facebook and Instagram.
It still happens to me now.
Should've known she was too bright.

I've been [ DISCLOSED ] by myself and [ CONFIDENTIAL ] way too much [ CLASSIFIED ]
I may never pass a physical at this point (just a joke to level out all this heavy stuff)

Things may change, yet they may not
I opt to put my faith in what I do, yet my faith may prove useless
So fuck my faith, its the selfish "overall"
I may not be able to fall into it a 100%, but I need to let the "yeah" take over

shit, I can't finish, my supervisor just handed me work...I been here for about a hour and a half and now she decides to hand me work, whatever..

Later Days, Longer Nights