There's Something About Maddy

This feels so weird.
This post is currently being written while I'm at work.
My supervisor is right behind me and I already at my lunch too soon.
Sundays right?

This past weekend I went back home.
Finally went out for a change and saw old friends, reveled in the aimless night.

Saturday, I went to my baby cousin's first birthday party.
Madison was dressed like the little pink princess she is and the party, well...
I know a lot about parties and I can firmly say that Madison's had all the fixings:

Petting zoo (with the cutest baby pigs)
Chick Fil A platters (all 10 sandwiches, 15 wraps, and 100 chicken nuggets were gone in less than a hour)
Family, friends

and best of all

The fucking cake was adorable.

We of course took all the pictures our smartphone batteries would allow us and caught up for a chance.
Even my mum (albeit late as ever) was there.
I had a great time.

But I gotta get to my point,
while I was holding Madison and playing with her, I finally knew what I wanted to do in life.
Well, realized one of the things I wanted to do.

I used to hate kids so much. I think it was in part to my other little cousin who is a bit more on the..."rough" side due to his parents.
I love him just as much as I do Madison, but there's something about Maddy.

She took my hat off and dribbled on it.
Stuck her tongue out with mine and made scary faces like we rehearsed a routine
Even when she was being held by someone else or crawling around on the carpet floor,
we would lock eyes and she'd smile.
That little girl can melt the coldest of hearts.
She'd smile at me like she knew all the good I wanted to do.
She smiled at me like she was some divine emissary sent to let me know that I've been forgiven for my wrongs.

I don't know how things will turn out.
I know how I would like them to, but no one can ever know if their dreams will come to fruition.
I have no fucking clue what's next,
and that's pretty fine with me.

One day (in a future way off from this present) I'm going to be an awesome dad with a little girl and little boy.
Madison will come over and feel my kids smile at them like she did to me.

Later Days, Longer Nights