Promise

I was reading a recent Humans of New York post that had a mother with her two sons in the picture

Her caption talked about how she promised her older son that he could take karate lessons and upon discovering the price for such lessons, realized that they were really expensive and more than she could afford at the moment

Despite the price, she said she paid it anyway because she made a commitment to her son and, as quoted, "if I break a promise, I’m teaching them that they can break a promise too. I want them to know that my ‘yes’ means ‘yes,’ and my ‘no’ means ‘no' ".

That struck a cord in me, 
a cord that sung a tune,
a tune in time to a memory.

I remember the first promise my mother ever broke to me. 
The first one that I noticed anyway.

It was 2003 and the movie Daredevil had been released in theaters. 

Although I'm a huge Marvel fan, I don't really care for Daredevil in all honesty.
I can't recall what made me want to see the movie, but 10 year old pre-pubescent Dominick didn't need a reason,
all he needed was a ride and an escort because the flick was PG-13.

At that time, my mum was my best friend. 
I was in 5th grade and didn't hangout with other kids at all.
My mum was either at home or at work, so she'd buy me videogames and keep the cable subscription on while she was away so I'd have company.
When she was home, she was my company.
Not to say that she played with me and my toys or even grabbed an extra controller to battle me in Super Smash Brothers,
but her presence was never overlooked when she was around.
It was either just me or her and me.

So, I asked her if we could go see Daredevil and she said "Yes, I promise we'll go" without restraint.
I remember being so fucking happy.
A movie with my mum. Priceless.

Except that date was never made.
I asked her countless more times after the first and she always said yes, 
yet we never got into the car to go.

The first in a series of promises that were broken.
They became a little more complex as I got older, especially when I was 12 and one of the biggest crutches of my life occurred.

"I promise I'll leave some food in the house for you. I promise I'll leave the key under the door. I'll be at your baseball game, I promise. I promise he'll stop hitting you. I believe you, I promise. I promise.I promise."

So when I read that caption and see what she tries to prevent being said so easily,
I see that I am a product of broken promises. As a child and young adult.

*AUTHOR'S NOTE: Look guys, I know the past few months every post I've written has tied back to me and my ex in some fashion, but this is where my head is for the moment.
It'll all come to pass, like everything else I've faced, so please bear with me.*

I broke countless promises to my ex and my own mother.
Other people as well, but they were the main ladies in my life.

It wasn't okay at all when I did it and now, when looking back, it's worse to think that I did that.
When my mum made me a promise or commitment and broke it, there was never any backlash.
I may have hit her with "But you said you would" a few times, but she was the adult, the parent...
My words may have held her accountable, but in the end, she did what the fuck she wanted cause she ran the household.
It obviously never ate her up and there were only rare moments where she made it up to me.
I did the same thing right to the T. Being so used to people breaking promises to me, I lost the value of that word and what it meant.

This post isn't built to blame my mum, I made a conscious decision each time to renege on what I said I'd do.
This post is only a detailed "Eureka" moment written out. 

I'm a 22 year old engineered promise breaker now.
And now I know, so reprogramming will be occurring.

And that picture was only placed yesterday....I got a lot of work to do.

Later Days, Longer Nights