In Clinic

I wrote this about 4 years ago, around this time 
This was my first time reading it since then

I went right to tears, grabbed a shot glass, and poured a shot of cognac to

numb it out

So much flooded back and it was in a rush that I couldn't fight off 

---------------------------------

In Clinic

And he held me through it all

Never once alone

Even though I wasn’t ready for this

It was bigger than I could handle

I’m just a little girl in a big world

He knew it

And acted accordingly

He’s been through it before

We discussed this day behind closed doors

I told him how scared I was

And my fearful words didn’t fall on deaf ears

He loved me enough to be brave

He opened the car door

Grabbing my hand before it felt fresh air

We walked into the clinic by the other’s hip

In the waiting room

Everyone else sat alone

I filled out forms and
we paid $330

The value of life

I rested my head on his shoulder and led my anxiety to slumber

A nurse called my name

But we rose together

She said I must come alone

He kissed me and exhaled deep

Breathing more life into my own

“You got this kid.”

I chuckled at his poor choice of words

He didn’t mean anything by it and I knew such

We hugged each other as if it was the final embrace

Him squeezing a little harder as if I wouldn’t return

But I would, just one less

I walked to the nurse

Feeling tears trickle down my face

Soon a green pill appeared

Administered by the nurse

5 minutes later, I'm asleep 

30 minutes later, I'm awake

Feeling barren

Not as close to him

Just a woman, not a mother

My head swirls with uncertainty

But no pain

They gave me a shot for that

Two nurses assist me to the lobby

And I fall in his arms

Land in his heart

I wanted to cry again

But it had to be done

We walked outside to a blossoming Sun

The sky is open

Just how I like

He looks at my face

Full of refrain and regret

Gently raising my head by my chin

His thumb softly lifting my hopes

I'm in his eyes and he’s in my mind

“I’ll take care of you”

His warm had washes through my hair

I find my place in the world

Here

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I wrote this from the perspective of my ex
From what she told me and what I experienced

Before, during, and after an incident

That led us to an abortion clinic

And she wonders why its hard for me to let her go

And then wonder why I choose to live life like I won't find love

Later Days, Longer Nights