Playboy

I can't learn the lesson any more thorough.
My mind and heart has total understanding over what I do, but I still do it, even when it hurts more every time I have to let go.
There are people who come in my life and they want to make me happy.
They do the unthinkable, say the impossible, and make me feel ways I can't express with words.
I take their problems and make it my own, holding all their burdens upon my scarred back.
They fall for me and I fall for them, but I can't let them in too close.
They want all of me and something I can't explain wont let them have it. I let good people go with reluctant ease.
That sad girl (whoever it may be) could give me the universe in a box from God Himself and I wouldn't be able to give her the full extent of my love.
Its beautifully tragic.

Maybe Im trying to still get over a regret...
Perhaps its just a problem...
Im not sure. Sometimes I think its Shirley haunting my heart, like she wanted to do from the very start of us meeting.
She was always someone I couldnt ever really let go of, but thats a theory all in its own.
Normally with girls, I feel different measures of dragons (the male equivalent to butterflies, I coined the term). I can remember a couple of girls who set my stomach on the edge of painful bliss, yet as far as I recall, I wasnt able to kindle a relationship of my liking with them.
Its beautifully tragic; I get what I dont really want, but never what I need and honestly, I believe those girls who give me heavy dragons are beyond remarkable; that female would be, in my mind, unparalleled to most humans on Earth. I guess you could say a true soul mate....perfect, perhaps?
Ha, look at me drone on with this shit, but Im not going to stop. These are really locked thoughts that should've remained as such, but I dont really care. Im probably just a thrill-seeker, forever chasing that first feeling.


"There's no content for you in what you have for you're forever finding something dearer, some other thing because you have it not."

Later Days