Emotionally Suicidal

I've started this new thing in the house called "Suicide Squad" labeled after the fictional DC comics antihero team

In the comics, its basically a group of people who take on these suicide missions in order to reduce their prison sentences

Grim shit huh?

When I started saying it, I meant something else

Lately, I've been so open and direct and skillfully careless with people

Gary notices.
Rian notices.
Phil doesn't come out his room at all and I could care less for him now.

See there's this gap that's more like a barrier
A barrier that doesn't push people away from me, but does the opposite
Which in turn, could push people away

This newfound openness
or I should say,
Super Openness since I was always kind of there anyway

London was a real experience
Those people think I'm crazy due to the barrier
And I've made some friends due to that lack of privacy
Lost out on some as well
I'm just having fun with it now

Maybe before I used to play a game or something
Tiptoe around saying how I felt, refraining
Why?

I should make it for everyone all the time
You can't go around asking anyone else or wonder
You'll already know
Everyone will know

I left a lot of the explanation out due to laziness

__________________________________________________________________________

I had plans ya know?
I had a dream
Now I'm just waiting for the results from my trace coding efforts to come in

Haven't felt like a full time human being in a long time and then
WHAM
I'm employed

I don't think there's anything I couldn't be

I will never, ever go through this again

Later Days, Longer Nights